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IELTS Topic: Female Juvenile delinquency

xyx0905 16 / 49  
Apr 14, 2012   #1
Some reports have discovered the crimes committed by young women is increasing. Give possible reasons and recommendations to the situation.

In recent years, there has been a growing tendency that female juvenile delinquency is becoming a common social phenomenon in many countries. Therefore, it is necessary to identify the forces behind this trend and provide the feasible solutions to alleviate its rise. 42

To begin with, the first reason is that the younger women are usually sensitive to the trifles and sentimental to the loves. In this case, the sensitivity could lead to the formation of extreme ideas and the willingness of conducting the wrongdoings. Besides, the female minors' natural frangibility makes them intend to commit themselves to a series of aggressive behaviour when they have established well founded fears. Second possible force is that the gender inequity in the competitive labour market where women are often confronted with a number of severe competitions. As a result, an illegal conduct may seem as an approach which enables them to make their livings. 109

However, there are several workable solutions to tackle this regretful situation. From government perspective, relevant authorities should provide low-cost and no fee programs for young female individuals. Counselling service, for example, should be available for those who suffer emotional destructions. This facility helps them to dispel negative feelings and have a positive attitude towards future life. Occupational training as another example, helps young women to enhances their employability in today's labour market. Moreover, from personal level, the female juniors are supposed to accelerate their adaptability to the actual social atmosphere. It is suggested that they should be proactively involved in diversified social activities and interaction with others to gain a clear view of reality. 114

In conclusion, it is convincing that both the government and women themselves ought to cooperate to curb the ever-increasing the female juvenile delinquency in a long run. 23 / 292

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Apr 17, 2012   #2
...To begin with, the first reason is that the younger women are usually sensitive to the trifles and sentimental to the loves... (the "sentimental to loves" part is very interesting because if crime is on the rise as a whole, and women are inclined to "go to bat for their lovers" this makes so much sense...good thinking:)...

This is a very well written essay. As you can see, I haven't made ANY grammatical or structural revisions. I am intrigued and inspired by your well stated opinions on this interesting and thought provoking matter. All I will advise is that you be sure you are using the most appropriate words for the sentences at hand, such as "frangibility". A thesaurus is always a helpful tool. Well, I hope this has been helpful; It looks really good as-is. Great work and good luck! :)

I'd be glad to assist you further should you ever need me.
OP xyx0905 16 / 49  
Apr 19, 2012   #3
Hi Susan,

I am so glad to receive your comments. Thank you so much. I will keep my hard efforts until I achieve my dream score in the test.


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