Task2 Writing Ielts - Topic GOOD HEALTH

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies.

do the advantages of the private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

Having a good health is of great importance to each individual. Therefore, medical services should be provided by private companies. Although state-owned hospitals could bring citizens several benefits, I am the opinion that the advantages which profit-making companies offer would be far more significant.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why a wide range people only always use servies at public medical healthcentres. Firstly, state-owned hospitals provide citizens with the services which are reasonable. While the payment which people have to pay for private healthcentres usually is a large amount of money, clients only have to spend only a far cheaper price at the public one. Secondly, almost seasoned doctors work at public health insitutions. They are believe to give patients with fulfill and suitable treatments that could lead to a quick recocery. For example, my grandfather suffering from a long-term diseas, fortunately, he accidentally met a doctor who works in a state-owned hospital in Hanoi, nownhis health has been improving positively.

On the other hand, I contend that people would benefit a great deal from private healthcare centres due to its excellent services. A profit-making healthcare always offer their customer freedom in almost aspects when they use their services. In terms of doctors, they hav ethe right to choose the one who they believe to give them the optimal treatment. As for the room, citizens do not have to share their room with several people which give people a comfortable atmosphere when staying at private hospital. Additionally, private healthcare institutions tend to have great attention on developing technological devices. Every years, profit-making hospitals spend a great deal of their budget on investing on digital equipments. Although the devices cost a fortune, they always make every effort to provide their patient with the best condition.

In conclusion, despite the advantages that state-owned healthcare centres bring to people, I believe that of private hospital would do outweight.

Based on the high number of spelling, GRA, and C&C issues that remain uncorrected in this essay, it appears that you ability to type 318 words is useless. Unless you can write fluently in English, you should be aiming for a reasonable essay length of about 275-290 words. That way you will also tend to make less mistakes in your writing. Length is useless when it is riddled with errors, you will fail the test just the same.

Your prompt paraphrase is inaccurate. It does not really reflect the information as provided. You changed the premise of the essay from:

OP: Some people think that good health is very important to every person

to

YP: Having a good health is of great importance to each individual.

You stated a fact instead of stating a public opinion. Since the original presentation offered a public sentiment, your restatement should have been formatted to reflect the same.So, you could have instead written this as:

Since most citizens consider proper fitness valuable, they oppose the idea that the health care business should be operated by money making corporations. I do not share this opinion because the well being of people, when run by money making industries, creates more benefits for the people that need to remain healthy. Some of the benefits to be gained are (1) and (2).

While some would consider (reason 1) as a disadvantage because... It is actually and advantage when you consider that...

As for (reason 2), the negative opinion usually comes from ... When it reality, it creates a benefit in the form of ...

Your current discussion is not very well developed because you are offering too many reasons in the paragraphs. You are more focused on delivering reasons instead of explaining the reasons as required by this discussion. Remember that each paragraph is scored on clarity and coherence. When you offer reasons, but not enough of an explanation to defend the reason, then you created an under developed paragraph. That is why offering only 2 separate discussion topic paragraphs would allow you to better develop your reasoning and explanation in a manner that can increase your overall score.

Your concluding summary is not complete. It is not composed of at least 40 words representing at least 2 sentences. Try to properly summarize the discussion points in your concluding presentation. Don't just present a single sentence that does not have any sort of elaboration that could help reiterate the previous discussion.

Thank you for your comment. I will fix it