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IELTS Task 2 topic: individuals to provide environmental problems solution

lanvt2811 3 / 6 3  
Apr 3, 2018   #1
Topic: Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Others believe individuals can also do some things to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (please give me feedback)

environmental protection requires concrete actions

Nowadays environmental problems have been one of the most challenges that almost every country is facing. Although there is a common belief that governments hold accountable for the course of environmental protection, I am strongly convinced that small efforts taken by individuals will make major changes in our planet.

It is true that many people believe environmental issues can only be tackled by governments and international organization. Obviously, the problems of global warming or desertification are happening around the world with the extent varying from places to places, which requires the cooperation from countries around the world to deal with. As a result, only the world's intergovernmental actions enable to mobilize enormous resources to adopt multidisciplinary approaches for environmental protection. Secondly, with the power of enactment and enforcement of laws, especially environmental protection law or renewable energy law, government can adjust social behaviors towards a more sustainable and low-carbon society.

On the other hand, I believe that there are many actions that individuals can take to alleviate environmental degradation by adopting an eco-friendly lifestyle. Firstly, we should recycle waste materials such as paper or glass and buy products with biodegradable packaging which decomposes easily. Secondly, instead of private cars, we should use public transport or bicycle as a means of transport more often. By doing so, the toxic emissions from vehicles, which are one of the main factors contributing to air pollution, would reduce significantly. Finally, planting more trees every year in our garden would be helpful to decrease the carbon footprint as well.

In short, environmental protection requires concrete actions from both the government and individuals worldwide. Only by doing this can we assure that we could hand this beautiful planet to our next generation and the next generation after.
wandelion 1 / 1  
Apr 3, 2018   #2
Fundamentally, your writing is good and ideas are logical. However, I noticed that if your word choice is more academic, then this essay will likely to be professional. Be cautious of linking word as well, they make your essay a little unorganized.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,662 4753  
Apr 6, 2018   #3
To, this essay will get a failing score because you did not discuss the essay in the same manner as instructed. Yo created your own discussion topic, which ran counter to the original prompt. You were asked to discuss both points of view and then give your personal opinion. You decided to discuss it as an extent essay based on a personal point of view instead. To be clear:

Original Discussion Instruction: Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your Discussion Instruction: I am strongly convinced that small efforts taken by individuals will make major changes in our planet.

The mistake in your approach to the essay discussion is as clear as day. Your totally discussion is not even tangential in response because you offered a discussion of only your point of view on a topic that is not asked for in the original prompt. As such, this will get a failing grade of 1 because your response is completely unrelated to the required task.
OP lanvt2811 3 / 6 3  
Apr 6, 2018   #4
Thank you very much for pointing the mistake out! I'll correct the essay.
abdo65619 1 / 8 9  
Apr 7, 2018   #5
Generally, your writing is good, but you have to reconsider the following points:

1- using the first person (we, I, you,...etc) in academic essay.

2- in "Obviously, the problems of ..." the word "obviously" is not suitable for academic essays; you're discussing a view without any statistical evidences. It would be better if you said: the proponent of this belief claim that.........

3- you left your ideas ambiguous between the proclaimed prompt. You have to be clear and precise as much as you can about your own opinions. The reader must not find any difficulty to figure out your own opinions.

Your vocabulary is good, and with a little training you will nail it!
OP lanvt2811 3 / 6 3  
Apr 9, 2018   #6
Thank you very much for your comments.

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