Ielts topic: Is it justified for the entertainers to earn huge salaries?

I'a a newbie here, so please help me. Thanks for your kindness!
Please correct my essay.
Topic: International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. Are these huge earnings justified?

Nowadays, we are impressed by huge salaries a celebrity can earn in entertaining industries which is as much as millions of dollars in one year. Many people argured that it is unreasonble for them to live a luxury lives with these huge earnings while others live without basic necessities. In my opinion, I think that professionals with real talent deserve to be paid such a mount of money.

Firstly, there are few people who are gifted with special talent in the world. It is obvious that in order to become a profession in the fields such as music, art or sports, they have to work very hard for a long period of time at young age. Some of them might sacrify many things to be successful. For example, instead of going to school, having a lot of friends and live a normal life, a great athlete has to live far from home at a very young age and follow strictly training program before he can attend Olympic Games and win medals

Although it is justifiable for these celebrities to earn huge earnings, I suggest that they should share their fortune with the poor and disabled. For instance, they can devote their money to charitable fund to help the ones in need. Moreover, they can spare their precious time to tell the young about their story, which I think would inspire and help a lot of people.

In conclusion, it is impossible for us to change the way the world is ruled but we can make effort to help others to have a better life.

This is not related to your task. It is better to mention another reason why entertainers should earn higher salaries in your second paragraph.
For the conclusion, it is enough to talk about things in this world which are inevitable. Promoting charitable acts would be off-topic.

hope this helps.

Firstly, there are few people in the worldwho are gifted with special talentsin the world


Not only that, it is their hard work and commitment that help those people to reach the heights in their respective fields such as music, arts and sports.

For example, instead of going to school, having a lot of friends and live a normal life, a great athlete has to live far from home atfrom a very young age and follow strictlystrict training program before he can attend Olympic Games and win medals.

Thank you for correcting my essay. I think I should make much more effort to have a better essay.

guys how to post my essay in writing feed back from, i have created Log in id and password still could not able to post it please help me!!

Okkkkkkkk... go to "New Thread" (on the top of right hand side of this screen). Click and open it. Then you are in the page where you can start a new thread for your new essay. On top in the left hand side you get "Select Forum". Click on the arrow and select "Writing Feedback". Then type a meaningful topic in the "Subject" and type your essay in the message. One you're done, click on "Start New Thread" ... then we'll meet you in your thread :D ....LOL

hey pahan thank u!! successfully posted!!

Sure :)


... are we impressed or shocked? ....lol... This line needs improvement;
Nowadays, we often wonder about the huge salaries that celebrities earn in the entertainment industry.


... write in present tense as this is a current issue.