Topic: outdoor activites and children

effect of playing outdoors on a child's development

Several opinons said that it is beneficial for childen to grow through outdoor hobbies rather than spend a day sitting face the screen and TV. In my point of view, I highly agree with this opinion, youth find it is easier to develop skills and make more fan through outdoor games.

First of all, the disadvantages of games are encourage them to be violent and wasting their time for nothing, furthermore, more and more children from a young ages are playing an adult game like GTA 5 or shooting game without parents' permission and not 18, yet. Spend a day playing video games may affect their health and body, for instance, their back can struggle to stay in one position for a long time, or play games in the dark can hurt their eyes and disorder their timetables, last but not least, video games can hiddenly attack their mental health through brutal and sexual scenes, also, video games networks are full of scammers who are waiting for kids and teenagers try to take their parents' credit cards information and their accounts

On the other hand, outdoor activities bring a huge amount of interest. First of all, It is advantageous for newborns to experience new things, besides, outdoor games like football, basketball, ect can develop their unseen talent and improve kids' ways of a healthy life, for example, playing basketball or swimming can increase their height and reduce heart problems. People who are scientists prove that kids can learn to communicate skills and make new relationships through open-air hobbies, furthermore, they may acquire teams work, improve their strength and reduce pressure from school.

In conclusion, I highly recommended children play outdoor rather than spend time on video games with a bunch of advantages for their body, mind, and mental health, there are several outdoor games healthier than spend half a day in a virtual world.

The writer did a good job of offering a prompt restatement and question response. The reasoning is also based on well-known public knowledge. Both paragraphs present solid supporting reasons in relation to the writer's opinion. It stayed focus on a single opinion defense which shows that the Writer understood the discussion and format requirements of the question in the presentation. These are the well scoring parts and considerations of the essay. Now for the problematic part.

The writer has vocabulary issues as he uses words in a manner that betrays its meaning:

fan- noun, any device for producing a current of air by the movement of a broad surface or a number of such surfaces.
fun- noun, enjoyment or playfulness

newborns - babies, recently or only just born. They do not have the capacity to playin any way or form yet.

The writer needs to understand the homonym differences and also, work on his vocabulary meaning /skills. The term "etc. " is not advised for use in formal and academic writing as it a shortcut reference for "and so on and so forth". Simply end the sentence with a period instead.