Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS Task2 Topic-The positive or negative effects of Internet


Annieh 1 / -  
Apr 3, 2018   #1
Hey guys ,
Please help me to check my writing :)
Here is subject.

The Internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades.Although some of these changes have been negative, the over all effect of this technology has been positive.

What are hour opinions on this?


The Internet effects

It is true that internet has been strongly influenced our lives for at least 10 years.I firmly believe that advantage effects outweigh drawbacks.

The first two drawbacks are damaged reality value and health.As internet has invented for decades and become indispensable in our life, as a result, handy technology devices are gradually reachable nowaday.People are use them to searching for needs also apply it into social life,they immerse in cyber world with massive social applications ,this phenomenon triggered that clients are slowly losing their social skills in real life and changed reality value. As the popularity of smartphones and unlimited data increased rapidly, people are spending more and more time with smartphones than before and ignored the importance of exercise.

However,some technologies are indeed function more efficiently and economically with internet; communicate with videos , for instance, it leads our communication to higher level, also connected people who being long distance and business partners .It crosses time zone and distance to tighten our Interpersonal relationship . Furthermore to applications that developed by engineers, these are not only created the job opportunities but assistance our learning methods effectively, range from dictionaries and podcast to online courses.For example, an education application app called "Vatube" , has earned over $60,000,000 for its company,users learning and memorizing English via it, and job candidates could apply as online teacher or join the development team then create more items for English seekers .By this way, knowledge is much more accessible than ever.


In conclusion, as long as people living with cyber life more cautiously , and with our self-control and self-warning ,the conflict would be smaller in order to bring us better life.

lanvt2811 3 / 6 3  
Apr 7, 2018   #2
Please pay more attention to grammar errors: passive voice vs active voice. For example: the first sentence should be " The Internet has strongly influenced our lives" or "As internet has invented" --> "as the Internet has been invented".
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,565 2976  
Apr 9, 2018   #3
Annie, what is the actual prompt you are responding to? Your prompt presentation and your actual discussion are going off in two different directions. Keep in mind that when yo do not respond to the prompt in the manner instructed, you will automatically fail this test. You are also overloading your paragraphs with information. There is a 5 sentence limit per paragraph. Which means you can only discuss one topic per paragraph. The advised method of discussion helps the writer to avoid incoherence and under developed discussion points. Something that occurs in every paragraph that you wrote. Basically, you need to familiarize yourself with the correct format of IELTS task writing which is:

Par. 1 - Opening paraphrase
Par. 2 - First topic with supporting ideas and examples
Par. 3 - Second topic with supporting ideas and samples
Par. 4 - Third topic with the same requirements as the first two
Par. 5 - Summary of the previous discussion

Try to review the other IELTS topics presented in this forum. Learn the proper formatting styles and discussion presentations from their work. You should always try to review the work of others before you work on your own topic so that you will have a sample to go by that can help you avoid making score lowering mistakes in your own work.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2 Topic-The positive or negative effects of Internet