Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Topic 4: prohibite smoking in public places

Sophie 5 / 5  
Jun 5, 2008   #1
Topic 4:Some business now say that no one smoke cigarettes in any of their offices.Some governments have banned smoking in all public places.Do you agree or disagree?

Even thought it's true that there's definite link between smoking and bronchial trouble, lung cancer and heart desease, many government seem hear, see, smell no evil.A few nations have been taking timid measure. This essay will outline some of the problems against smoking in public places.

It is not difficult to understand why the official reactions to well documented medical research have been so lukewarm. The aim is simply financial profit. Tobacco is a wonderful source of revenue. For instance: in tax revenue alone, the government in Britain collects from smokers to pay for it's entire educational facilities.

The second point is that some contries use the short-sighted policy. It is a paradox that one million people through out the world, especially in Africa, are starving. While the helpless starve, an enormous amount of money is being spent on space exploration. The less fortunate people could greatly improve their lives without unemployment, poverty, and corroption if the authorities would give the right law for such money of sponsor from rich countries.

The further point is that most of cigarette companies spend vast amounts of money on advertising which is both insidious and dishonest. They never show the real smokers coughing up their lungs in the morning; that would never do. Their advertisement scheme depicts a great open-air life, the charming ladies, and true love. What utter nonsense!

Over all, I strongly feel that all governments could begin by banning advertising cigarettes in public places like cinemas, restaurants or mass transportation. My friends and I have been conducting an anti-smoking campaign in our town. Young people should be warned, of the dire consequences to follow this bad habit.
nclester 3 / 3  
Jun 5, 2008   #2
Sophie, in my personal opinion, your essay needs some paragraph structure. You also need to take your time and do a little more relevant research. Incorporating concrete facts into your essay might impress your teacher : )

I've made a few edits, but they're basic. if your striving for the A paper, it needs work.

Gloria is a god sent angel, so I suggest taking her suggestions to heart.

For instance: in tax revenue alone, the government in Britain collects from smokers to pay for it's entire educational facilities. <--- I agree with Gloria, where is your source?

*The second point is that [...] [...] of sponsor from rich countries.*
This entire paragraph is irrelevant, you need to go back and research into your topic. If your looking to explain the reasons behind governments banning smoking in public places, then write that. This paragraph really needs work. Take your time, great sources make for great papers. IMO.

What utter nonsense! <--- My teacher would probably consider this phrase to informal.

Good luck!
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Aug 12, 2008   #3
Let's see:

Nowadays, people go to public places such as cinemas,restaurants, or bars after long days at offices. Smoking in these places should be completely banned. It not only helps humans to be healthy, but also help keeping the cities clean . A 2004 study showed that in New Jersey, bars and restaurants have had more than nine times the level of indoor air pollution opposite to its neighbor in New York city. Research also gave evidents that toxin exposure in employees and customers decreased significantly after the policy impoves air quality in public places. Where is your citation for this research?

Furthemore, governments should warn citizens of the dire consequences of smoking to young people. We can see in most cigarette packets the sentence "S moking is harmful to your health" or "S moking can lead you to disease." Even though they are warned , people still smoke a lot and spend as much money on smoking as food. Smoking not only is harmful to smokers it effects people in the area who do not smoke, but breathe the same smoky air . Young people should know how the real smoker is coughing up lungs in the morning and protect themselves by saying no to this bad habit.

Over all, I feel strongly that all governmentsshould begin by banning advertising cigarette in public places like supermarkets, squares, streets,workplaces or mass transportation."

Home / Writing Feedback / Topic 4: prohibite smoking in public places