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This topic was supposed to be for Spotlighting a person in the community!



Magic_Wizard 1 / 1  
Jun 19, 2015   #1
Please enjoy and advise me ! Thanks!
Sam the hobo
Yea, I know what you're thinking a hobo? But there's a deeper story behind it all. I, as an individual, know that Sam deserves a spotlight shone on him. He doesn't have any money or family, but the public think stereotypically, he's a drunk and broke guy with no home. Which leads me to one phrase; "don't judge a book by its cover". This simple phrase leads us into a more deeper and clearer vision of what a person is on the inside. I can guarantee you that you have judged a book by its cover, whether it's a person or any other object. But we don't realise that we are all the same.

What has he done that helps the community? Well, he helps in attending community services and does voluntary jobs at my school. Even Sam does all these jobs, he doesn't have a reputation around my community, and he deserves more. Sure he's just a hobo, but what if Sam was involved in government, I'm sure that people would respect him more. In the end, he still gets nothing.

To put it to the test, I gave Sam a $50 dollar note and secretly followed him. To our surprise, he didn't use it to buy anything useless, but actually he spent it on buying food and sharing them with other homeless people. This just goes to show how some people are mistaken because of their appearances.

Furthermore, Sam should have a spotlight shone on him and get recognised because it will change the future for other people who are in his shoes. These people could have a roof under their heads and had a glutinous meal before they go to bed but for once, have a home. This can also result in the economy being more popular as attractive tourists icon if these homeless people get off the roads and be in safe shelter. Not to mention that if we spotlight Sam, it will surely raise the interest of other countries, as it will be different.

Another reason why Sam should be recognised is that people like him, can be anyone, even the prime minister. But, what does it mean to be homeless? Well, homeless means that you don't have a home and you live on the streets. People can be homeless in a blink of an eye from one simple reason, whether its losing a job, having no family around to take care of you, or you grew up as a homeless person. An example would be that Sam, himself, became homeless because he lost his job. As a result, he couldn't pay bills and the government took his house and car. People need to understand that you can become homeless very quickly.

This is why Sam should be given a spotlight shone on him. This is an opportunity for all of us because he helps the community doing voluntary jobs, people like Sam deserves better having shelter under their heads, the economy will rise and by spotlighting Sam it will raise interest because our country in spotlighting a hobo.

lcturn87 - / 423  
Jun 19, 2015   #2
I can help you revise your essay. When you begin the essay, I assume that you are stating the title of the essay. Also, I would delete, "Yea". You can begin the essay with the question without using "Yea", if you are making the reader use the title as a point of reference for your discussion. I think you should use "realize"rather than realise.

What does he do at these community services that helps? If you state that he helps, then you should state how he does this, because if he attends the community service events he could just sit and listen. By explaining what he does, it becomes more clear to the reader how he helps. Change "Even" to "Although".

You should state:"To put this theory to the test,..." If you use our, then it seems like more than one person was involved in this test. Therefore, the next sentence should probably begin with, "Surprisingly". You could use mistaken but if you state that he is "mistakenly judged" then you help the reader to understand that some may form opinions before they meet him.

I suggest changing recognised to "recognized". This paragraph needs some revisions. I think you are trying to express how the homeless need a good meal and home. This could attract more tourists if they are in shelters. I think you mean that he should be put in the spotlight.

The last paragraph, you want to change the first sentence to: ..."should be in the spotlight or recognized". Place a comma after us. I think the last sentence need to be changed. There is too much information contained in one sentence. If you form more simple sentences, you will help the reader to understand the conclusion.

I think you will do good if you make these changes.
OP Magic_Wizard 1 / 1  
Jun 19, 2015   #3
@IcTurn87 THANKS SOOO MUCH!! This was one of my first essays that i had to do and i wasn't sure how to change it!


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