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The total of movies rented and sold in diverse formats each year between 2002 and 2011


RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Apr 6, 2016   #1
The total of movies rented and sold in diverse formats each year over a period in a selected store is illustrated by the chart. Overall, the main fact that stands out is the number of rentals which considerably decreased during a decade started in 2002. Meanwhile, during 8 years, the figure of DVD is dominated the annual number of movie selling while other several formats were only existed in a few years.

Turning to a detailed analysis of movies' rentals, it was stood up at above 180,000 in 2002 as much more popular activity than buy the VHS and DVD. However, to the end of period, it continuously declined and stated at just around 50,000 in 2011, almost thrice times lower than at beginning. The same trend showed by the figure of VHS sales which decreased although this format just available for purchasing in the first four years.

On the other hand, the selling of films in DVD format remained high while it inclined each year from 2002 to 2007, it also leveled as the highest selling at more than 200,000 discs in 2007. Unfortunately, this number just then decreased slightly in the subsequent years. Blu-ray movies were available recently in 2007 when it selling was just at a very small number. It steadily rose in the next 4 years period but still in a minor number with no more than 20,000.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 6, 2016   #2
Ray, I can see that you have a great potential in writing, your lexical resource is outstanding. I also like your tenses consistency, it only left minor grammatical mistakes. However, there is no perfect writing after-all, you still need more development towards your complexity of sentences, because some of your sentences is confusing. Remember, clarity is the king. Try to reduce your confusing sentence to the lowest frequency. Now, for a description of your grammatical errors, with some corrections applied.

it was stood up at

it stood at

to the end of period

in the end of the period

thrice times

(pick one: thrice / three times, do not mix them)

lower than at beginning.

lower than the beginning

The same trend showed by the figure of VHS sales which decreased although this format just available for purchasing....

(confusing sentence, I think this is because the ratio of your subjects and verbs was not balance)
The same trend showed by the figure of VHS sales was decreased although this format was just available for purchasing....

One more thing to remember, you MUST UPLOAD the image of the chart. If you continuously do the same mistake like this, I will not be able to give thorough feedback towards your essay. I hope my feedback will be valuable for your future development. Keep up the good work! :)


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