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Task 2 ielts - Many countries nowaday have population with more young people than old people

Yolo120308 1 / 2  
Sep 28, 2020   #1

writing task 2 young population

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

it is understandable that many countries nowaday have population with more young people than old people. Even this fact has both advantages and disadvantages. In my opinions the advatantages outweigh the disadvantages, Despite many drawbacks, young people still play an important role in the growing economy of the countries

On the one hand, the population with the young adults overwhelm the old people can lead to many problems such as lacking of skills in adapting and using modern technology nowaday. For example of the country in Asia which has protential economy is Viet Nam. Owning the population with the young people overwhelm the old people but Viet Nam dont have many important leader and young worker are still unexperienced in applying new technology. So that Viet Nam has to hire foreigner experts of many countries to guild and help them in improving, applying technology or upgrading infrastructure.

On the other hand, young population can bring huge workforce in to industries, economy,..,which become the first priority of many countries in development. Young population such as teenagers, adults are energetic, creative and they can adapt the modern technology quickly so they become indispensable role in develop countries, improve living standard and infrastructure of the country. For example like Japan which has old population. However, Japan still become top 5 largest economies in the world. Because they aren't only using the young people of the countries, they also recruit and make priorities for young people who from many different countries.

In the conclusion, it is inevitable to say that young people play an important role in the developmen of the countries. Althrough many drawbacks, they are still the main workforce of the countries and with thier indication can make the coutry better in the near future. That is all the reason why the advantages of more young people in he country overwhelm the disadvantages of it
liedsieg 2 / 3 1  
Sep 29, 2020   #2
Just some typo "...disadvantages, Despite despite ..."
protential potential
and I also think some sentences are not very fluent.
twhin 3 / 6 1  
Sep 29, 2020   #3
1.Your conclusion is repeating your introduction without any insight
2. The example of Japan in para 3 is not appropriate as you need to convince others having young people benefits more

Some sentences below can be improved:

-In my opinions the advantages outweigh the disadvantages -> there are more gains than losses of having more youngsters in the countries / Having more young people is beneficial to society as a whole

-can make the country a better place
-Because they ... -> They are not only using the young people in the countries, but they also recruit and make youngsters a high priority in different countries
OP Yolo120308 1 / 2  
Sep 29, 2020   #4
thanks for your advices. I will improve my writing accordingly
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4799  
Sep 30, 2020   #5
You are offering an opinion in the prompt paraphrase section. If you review the original prompt, there is no requirement for you to present a personal opinion. You were not asked to do that. So the discussion presentation should not offer a personal opinion. Not in the prompt paraphrase section, not in the actual essay, not in the conclusion.

There is one question being asked in the essay "Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?" So your response is simple. You said "The advantages outweigh the disadvantages." Therefore, in your reasoning paragraphs, you should have presented 2 reasons why the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages. You should not have compared the advantages and disadvantages because that is not the discussion instruction. It is not the presentation requirement either. Therefore, your essay does not follow the required format for this discussion.

Due to the incorrect discussion format, you will receive notable penalties in terms of discussion errors and deducted word count. Only the paragraphs that pertain to your actual discussion response will be scored and graded. Anything not pertaining to it will not be considered as a part of the discussion by the examiner. Your essay is not in accordance with the formatting requirements and response expectation. Therefore, you have not written an essay that falls under the proper guidelines for the presentation.
studyingabroad 5 / 10 5  
Sep 30, 2020   #6
I think you should consider carefully about template of each type of ielts essay, task response and avoiding translating from your own language into English word by word. More importantly, take notice to your grammar because it seems that you dont have basic grammar background, so I firmly recommend that you should learn from basic to advanced level. Keep going!!

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