Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS task 2:Traditional cultures will be lost as technology develop.Do you agree or disagree


johnnguyenpham 1 / -  
Jul 30, 2020   #1
It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Many claims that technology's development and tradition cultures cannot coexist in the modern day. Mine line of thinking entirely diverge from this because of the fact that traditional habits and customs are still playing an important role in people's life.

If modern, automatic devices make many works much more effortless then traditional culture is an effective tool to nurture people's inner intrinsic. By being proficient in traditional skill, each person can enhance their sophistication and persistence. For instance, carpenters are insanely meticulous and creative as a result of spending hours to implement his artifact, embroiderer repetitively pierce their needle to perfect the piece of art thus filled with patience and possess incredible sharp eyes. Furthermore, if people can pass on those virtues, they will totally have the ability to utilize and elevate technology.

The other reason why it is vital to maintain traditional cultures is because of its sentimental value. Nowadays, there is a significant numbers of products manufactured by machine which are high quality and not so pricey, people still treasure handmade items which are sometimes imperfect and expensive. The reason is lots of individuals care about the story behind the product, they acknowledged the effort that hardworking, enthusiastic worker contribute to the item. For example, Da Lat is famous for its wool products which was entirely handmade, despite their high prices, a lot of people still obsessed with them due to their softness and comfort. Additionally, modern devices still contain many cultural features. Companies still producing tons of films represent countries' habits and customs, there are still various of cultural communities on internet, and many people still willing to learn about cultures.

In conclusion, I want to deliver the idea that traditional culture is essential and we need to carefully conserve it while technology is drastically developing.

I would be grateful if you guys can give me a specific score for each criterion and an overall band score.Thanks all and have a good day!

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,025 2715  
Jul 30, 2020   #2
Sadly, I cannot give your request to score you on each criterion and deliver an overall band score. Those are now part of our paid services, which you can get when you sign up for a private review (email address in the home page for inquiries) or, if you make this essay review URGENT. We only offer general review services for the free reviews.

(WARNING ! STUDENT SCORING = ACCOUNT SUSPENSION!!!)

Since this is an extent essay, you must format your response in the manner expected, using the 3-5 sentence format:

... in the modern day,,, I completely disagree (measured response) with this point of view because of 2 reasons. First... Second...

Then you begin discussing or explaining each of the reasons that you outlined in the response portion of the prompt restatement. Use more first person and gender free pronouns in the essay. It will help with your GRA score and remove the general feeling of the discussion. There should not be a general reference point and avoidance of pronoun usage because the essay is asking for YOUR opinion, which can only be properly referenced using pronouns.

Limit the paragraph presentations to only 5 sentences. You do not need more than that and, if you truly want to edit and perfect your paper within 40 minutes, that is the sentence count that will allow you to have time to do so. Your conclusion is ineffective as it delivers your personal opinion restatement, but not the original prompt and reasoning topics as given in the previous discussion paragraphs. You are recapping the essay to close it so you are expected to restate the important discussion points in the closing paragraph.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2:Traditional cultures will be lost as technology develop.Do you agree or disagree