The Traffic Accident- Free writting- Only Topic.

I will for your feedbacks,

I remember the day it happened as yesterday, when I was driving with my family to attend a wedding party in Maidan Shar which is located about 30km south Kabul, when the accident happened and amazingly everyone was fine after, thanks to almighty God. We started driving there around 1300 on local time; after passing several kilo meters of the way finally we reached to a hill located near to maidan Shahr, it's about 100-200m higher, after passing it, I was driving down, when I want it to increase my speed it was about 130km/h already, and the truck in front of me was full of stones and construction materials, when suddenly some stones and material thrown on street, and it got under my car tires, so my car just rolled over about 3 times, and finally crashed the near hill and stopped, amazingly no one was hurt, the time when the car stop the only thing I remember about it, I was looking for my little brother who was about 9 years old, when I found that everything was fine and broke the window glass of the car and came out and helped others too, also the car which was behind us, helped us to get out. The craziest thing was; when people were passing by, they were asking about how many are dead or injured. No one was helping, in addition when traffic police arrived, they were asking about bribe and some money and they excused after they understand that I'm working with Ministry of interior of this country. I called back home to my brother and uncle and they arrived, and we were back home after an hour, and missed the party. The thing we learned from this accident was to never drive fast, and be careful about trucks and cars which are driving before and behind you, as we have a famous expression about it "Driving fast is the act of welcoming death".

I will for your feedbacks,

I understand what you mean, but it's incorrect in English to say 'I will for ..'. We do not have the ability to make the smallest difference by 'willing' anything. Instead our 'will' is expressed passively as 'being determined' or 'being persistent' .. we could say having a strong 'will' to suffer hardship, or withstand pain or temptation.

.. but since we understand each other now, I will do as you desire !

I remember the day it happened as [if it were] yesterday., when I was driving with my family to attend a wedding party in Maidan Shar which is located about 30km south Kabul, when the accident happened[.] and a[A]mazingly everyone was fine after[wards], thanks to almighty God[ ... this is a very islamic statement and strikes a slightly discordant note with English readers. Instead you could say - Amazingly, and thank God, everyone was fine afterwards ].

A new paragraph here will make it easier to read, and your narration of the event begins here making it a fresh logical block
We started driving there around 1300 on local time; after passing several kilo[-]meters of the way finally we [finally] reached to a hill located near to m[M]aidan Shahr, it's [which is] about 100-200m higher. a[A]fter passing it, I was driving down, when I want[ed] it to increase my speed it [which] was about 130km/h already. and t[T]he truck in front of me was full of stones and construction materials, when suddenly some stones and material [were] thrown on street, and it got [getting] under my car tires., so m[M]y car just rolled over about 3 times, and finally crash[ing]ed [into] the near[by] hill and stopped., amazingly no one was hurt, the time w[W]hen the car stop[ped] the only thing I remember about it, I was looking for my little brother who was about 9 years old., w[W]hen I found that everything was fine, [-I-] broke the window glass of the car and came out [to]and helped others too, a[A]lso [the people in] the car which was behind us, helped us to get out.

A fresh paragraph here makes it sort evenly spread
The craziest thing was; when people were passing by, they were asking about how many are [were] dead or injured. [but] N no one was helping., in addition [Later]when [the] traffic police arrived, they were asking about [for] bribes and some money and they excused [only let us go] after they underst[ood]and that I work[ed]ing with Ministry of Interior of this country. I called back home to my brother and uncle and they arrived., and w[W]e were back home after [within] an hour, and [but]missed the party. The thing w[W]e learned from this accident was to never drive fast, and [to] be careful about trucks and cars which are driving before [ahead] and behind you.,

Making this stand by itself makes it like a punch line, a finale
as w [W]e have a famous expression about it "Driving fast is the act of welcoming death".

It is a nice narrative !

Thanks Rajiv, everythings were very helpfull.

amazingly everyone was fine
amazingly no one was hurt
they sound like repeated sentences. you might want to change the second one.

fter passing several kilo meters of the wayjourney finally we reached to a hill
when suddenly some stones and material thrown on street i don't really get this sentence.

n u mentioned bribe. bribe for what?? a car accident??

the narration is good but you need to work on expressing your thoughts and feelings

Thanks dumbdumb; bribe: it was for car accident, after accidents we have 2 choices whether to pay legal money or illegal which less than legal.