more strict rules for smokers?
Aimed score 7 or above
In many countries, it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building.
Do you agree or disagree?
Smoking in public locals has been banned in many nations and people have to go to designated areas to smoke. In my opinion, this is a good practice because not only will it save non-smokers from the evils of passive smoking, but it will also prevent young people from getting into the habit of smoking.
To begin with, smoking can be a choice for many people but the others who are around them also have to face hazardous health consequences when they inhale the cigarettes' smoke unknowingly. For instance, a study has shown that 60% of the passive smokers, who stay around active smokers, suffer from severe diseases such as lung cancer and respiratory issues. Therefore, by restricting people from smoking in public areas, non-smokers will get benefited.
It must be also pointed out that young people generally start smoking because they are influenced by older smokers. For example, teenagers who are close to people who smoke can get into the habit of smoking because adults are showing them that this is normal behaviour. Although they may be aware of the consequences of smoking, youngsters might be inspired by people who exert influence on them. For that reason, restricting the liberty of smoking anywhere can prevent juveniles from becoming addicted to tobacco and having to face the nicotine evils in their organisms.
In conclusion, smokers are aware of the serious consequences of smoking and in spite of this, they smoke. Hence, the government has banned smoking in public places. From my point of view, this is an appropriate approach that will prevent passive smokers from developing health issues as well as young people from becoming a smoker.
This is a good writing. Try to add a better example in para 3, for example "The Ministry of Health in India declared in 2016 that children and teenagers who are exposed to smoking either at home or in the community have at least forty percent greater chance of becoming active smokers."
work on your vocabulary and use complex structures. For example:
" For that reason, restricting the liberty of smoking ..."
It can be written as:
"Consequently, banning smoking in public places will reduce the probability of children falling prey of this deadly habit."
Try using less words to convey the meaning.This will give you word buffer to add more ideas and your sentence structure would automatically become complex. Hope this helps.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15385 There will be points deductions for this essay because you changed the prompt response requirement in your paraphrased paragraph. The question is:
Question: Do you agree or disagree ?
Your Response: in my opinion, this is a good practice ...
Your biggest mistake in this essay, which will definitely harm your final score, is that you turned this into an opinion essay instead of an agree/disagree essay. The proper response format is:
I agree with this statement for several reasons.
That said, your reasoning is aligned with the prompt. However, your second body of paragraph sort of spun off topic before going back to the original discussion. So maybe this will get a score of 5. Try to start the sentences with the topic sentence before the reasoning, that way your sentences will not appear to be going off topic before going back to the actual topic. This is what happened in your second body paragraph and it almost cost you severe point deductions.
Then you could have immediately thrown yourself into the supporting discussions in the body paragraphs. For this type of essay, you should present a weak opposing discussion in the first body paragraph and then present a strong defense of your stance, based on the opposing discussion in the second body paragraph. You may even extend the essay into a third body paragraph to further strengthen your stance on the discussion.
You need to fully utilize the word allotment for this essay, which is normally a maximum of 300 words, to reach the maximum scoring possibility for every grading consideration. Write the minimum ideal number of 275 and you will get a moderate scoring consideration. Write the ideal maximum number of 300 words and you will see your overall scores get a boost, specially in the C&C section.