Unanswered [3]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 6


IELTS- Travelling benefits for the travellers



jayk 4 / 9  
Feb 13, 2012   #1
Hi, Please correct any errors and provide feedback on task achievement.

Q. Today more people are travelling than ever before.
Why is this case ?
What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller.
Give reason for your answer & include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Essay

Travel has become part of almost everyone's life. People travel places for the various reasons. Some people have to travel because of work, some travel for holidaying and some travel to meet near and dear ones or to attend a family functions. There are many advantages of travelling places like ranging from exploring new places, culture and people to relaxation & fun with family.

Globalisation has definitely decreased distances among cultures. many people have experienced this during their work trips. Business has grown to manyfolds at country levels due to which many are frequently travelling to other countries. For instance, Software consultants have to travel to visit client's location in other countries for requirement gathering of work. Experiencing new places, meeting new people and cultural experience are clear advantages of travelling.

People often travel to places to take breaks from their busy work life to relax. For example people take a break of month or two to visit hill stations or city with beaches for relaxation. Some people go to an extent of taking a break of around a year and take a visit around the world especially when their children are young so there young ones experience the world closely and learn about different cultures, languages and people around the world. Trips like that brings knowledge and relaxation which rejuvenates people to perform better in their profession after these breaks.

Lot of people travel to attend family functions like marriages, birthdays or demise of a family member. These visits provide an opportunity to meet our family members who are staying away. This in turn also helps strengthening family bonds and brings a feeling of joy.

To conclude, in todays busy life people have to travel by choice or no choice. Travelling has become a part of our life and it brings clear advantages ranging from cultural experiences to strengthening family bonds.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Feb 13, 2012   #2
to attend a family functions

There are many advantages of travelling places like ranging from exploring new places, culture and people to relaxation & fun with family. -------------- this sentence does not flow well. Try;

Travelling enables people to explore new cultures, meet new people, relax and have memorable holidays with their families.


Globalisation has definitely decreased distances among cultures. many peoplehave experienced this during their work trips(you tell the same idea in your next sentence. Hence avoid this one ) Business has grown to manyfolds at country levels due to which many peopleare frequently travelling to other countries. For instance, Software consultants have to travel to visit client's location in other countries for requirement gathering of work. Experiencing new places, meeting new people and cultural experience are clear advantages of travelling.
juel33 2 / 5  
Feb 13, 2012   #3
Travel has become a part of almost everyone's life
For example, people take a break for ofa month or two to visit hill stations or city with beaches for relaxation
... ... their children are young so that their there young ones experience the world closely... ..

Trips like that brings knowledge and relaxation which rejuvenates people to perform better in their professions

Best of luck
marpl 2 / 4  
Feb 23, 2012   #4
Well structured essay. You have pretty good points as well.
minhtung9x 2 / 6  
Feb 24, 2012   #5
I like ur ideas, simple but effective
Athena - / 82  
Feb 24, 2012   #6
Hi Jay,

I just thought that you could edit on the following sentences:


People travel places for the various reasons.

...attend a family functions.

manyMany people have...

Business has grown to manyfolds at country levelsAt the national level, Business has grown manifold, due to which many are frequently travelling to other countries.

A lotLot of people....

To conclude, in todaystoday's busy life people...

I like the manner in which the essay is written :)
Good luck on your IELTS Scores!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS- Travelling benefits for the travellers
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳