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Toefl: Treat pets like family members or not? 'it is not a good idea'


eden68 2 / 6 1  
Aug 10, 2013   #1
Hi dear friends, I'm waiting for your helpful comments. Thanks!

Some people may think that pets must be treated like family members but I disagree with this idea because they are only short living animals which have not thinking capability like human and can bring various illnesses to the other family members.

First, nearly all of the pets do not live more than ten years. Treating with the pets like family members needs loving them as much as a family member and at this situation death of the pets after some years will bring stress and grief to the other family members.

Second, pets do not have thinking ability and learning capability like family members. For example you can teach to your son how to eat, how to treat with others and how to wash himself or herself but things that you can teach to your pet are very limited and very laborious. Moreover, pets cannot act regarding to the situation because they have not thinking ability; so, I think training of pets is very difficult and I have not enough time to do that. In addition I cannot accept the risk of accepting pets like family members because they have not thinking ability and can bring many troubles to the other family members.

Third, from the medical aspect, there are many illnesses that can spread from pets to the human like various types of leaches. For example one of my friends died from an unknown illness from his dog. I do not want to have the same fate!

In conclusion, treating with pets like family members can be acceptable by many families but I think it is not a good idea.

posdream 4 / 12 5  
Aug 10, 2013   #2
...Treating with pets like family member... This is wrong. "Treating a pet as ones family can be uncalled-for".

...Second, pets do not have thinking ability and
learning capability like family members..."Secondly,human reasoning surpasses the animals thinking or learning abilities.

...I have not enough time to do
that..."I have no free time for that"

Your second paragraph is tautologous.

...Third, from the medical aspect, there are
many illnesses that can spread from pets to
the human like various types of leaches. For
example one of my friends died from an
unknown illness from his dog. I do not want to
have the same fate!....

"Thirdly,from the medical perspective,there are many contagious diseases from pets. For example, a friend of mine died recently because contacted a disease from this dog. I do want to have the same fate!"

...In conclusion, treating with pets like family
members can be acceptable by many families
but I think it is not a good idea.

" In conclusion, I do not think its a best idea to treat pet as ones family".

My quota.

Thanks.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 11, 2013   #3
Hi,
In your future posts, include the essay prompt. That is very helpful for us to provide you with more relevant comments :)

Some people may think that pets must be treated like family members but I disagree with this idea because they are only short living animals which have not thinking capability like human and can bring various illnesses to the other family members.

It's good to have a hook when you begin your essay because it would grab reader's attention and keep him with you throughout your writing. For example;

Pets keep our lives inspired[/i ]... your hook
Now tell the background of the problem;
[i]Because of this reason, some people believe that they need to be treated as family members. However, others feel that there is a vast difference between humans and other animals and therefore it is an impractical ideology
. .... here you tell the reader why it is important to discuss the matter.

Now express your opinion;
I too believe that pets should not be treated as part of family.
fuqiangang 3 / 7 3  
Aug 11, 2013   #4
Hi
From my perspective,I believe that the relationships that people have with their pets are healthy for many reasons.
1.Animals provide companionship for people who are too old to maintain regular camaraderie.
2.Animals have been proven to reduce their master's stress.
3Having an animal can prepare a young couple for having offspring.

Of course,I think your essay is too insubstantial to develop essay empty.
OP eden68 2 / 6 1  
Aug 12, 2013   #5
It's good to have a hook when you begin your essay

Thank you for your useful idea about starting the essay ;)
OP eden68 2 / 6 1  
Aug 12, 2013   #6
Thank you. I was wrong with using with, with treat ;)

"Thirdly,from the medical perspective,there are many contagious diseases from pets. For example, a friend of mine died recently because contacted a disease from this dog. I do want to have the same fate!"

or this one: from the hygienic perspective, there are many diseases that can spread through contact with animals. Like various types of leaches. For instance, ...

I think using first,... second,... and ... in-conclusion is not wrong and

firstly, secondly , finally... is also true.

I donot want to have the same fate!"

;)
Sybrinth - / 4 1  
Aug 17, 2013   #7
I think the biggest problem with your essay is that it is too formal. It follows the traditional essay structure (intro, body paragraphs, conclusion) and makes it sound like you are just listing items. Think of a creative way to structure your essay, and don't be afraid to think outside the box.

Also, your essay does not have voice - I cannot visualize you when I read your essay.


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