Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

the trend:throw away old one instead of repairing. causes and effects?


thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Jan 27, 2010   #1
i am preparing for ielts, however, i am really worried about my writing skill. could u help me point out all my mistakes. i am really happy to see my own mistakes. thanks so much

People nowadays throw away things when they are broken rather than repair or recycle them as they did in the past.

People nowadays prefer buying now products to repairing old or broken one. Some people consider that this trend is a signal of the modern life, and it is indispensable. Certainly, this results in the social division of labor and the improvement in living standard of humankind.

There is no doubt that our quality of life has been improving day by day; therefore it is easily understandable why people in many part of the world are used to throwing old or broken goods away instead of repairing as they used to in the past. When living standard is upgraded, it also means that incomes are higher and people can afford more goods they like.

Furthermore, the indivision in social labor also contribute to this trend. In the past, most people in community could do a lots things to support their own lives such as: cultivating food, making clothes. However, in modern societies, the specialization is a widespread trend, thus most people are able to do some certain things. And as a result, sometimes, they cannot repair broken goods by themselves. This is a main reason why people often take new products to replace broken one. In fact, even though people can have someone repaired for them, indeed, but they still decide to purchase others because it is often costly for repairing or the quality of repaired products is low.

I believe that this trend is a common phenomena in the 21 century; however, it also can cause some problems. When people like new goods than old or repaired one, it means that the life cycle of products is reduced. The more new goods is demanded, the more natural resources people need to consumed. At that time, the big problem shortage of energy resources will become more severe. In addition, the a mount of rubbish given off will increase, and it makes our planet become more polluted.

In conclusion, this trend at the moment can be a positive signal showing that people have a better life. However, in the future, it will also be a potential thread to humankind's life.

greentea93 7 / 31  
Jan 27, 2010   #2
I think the reasons and consequences you've said above are strong enough,however your introduction paragraph and conclusion paragraph should be more longer,especially your introduction paragraph,I think it is not good enough.One more thing,sometimes you use short sentences,while you can use"which","that",etc, to connect sentences.That would make your essay more coherent.

For example,this sentence "Some people consider that this trend is a signal of the modern life, and it is indispensable"can be rewriten:

Some people consider that this trend is a signal of the modern life,which is indispensable.
OP thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Jan 27, 2010   #3
thanks teagreen93. i will try my best.
have a good day.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 28, 2010   #4
Yes, this is good stuff. The corrections I was going to make have already been made.

You should not use "even though" and "but" in the same sentence this way:
In fact, even though people can have someone repair a product for them, indeed, but they still decide to purchase others because it is often costly for repairing or the quality of repaired products is low.

In fact, even though people can have someone repaired for them, indeed, but they still decide to purchase others because it is often costly for repairing or the quality of repaired products is low.
OP thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Jan 28, 2010   #5
yes, i see my mistake. Dear Kevin, i contacted to become a Moderator like u. however, there has been no response from forum.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 29, 2010   #6
Maybe it will take a few days to get a response. I'll try to find out about it for you. You might be asked to try being a contributor first. essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/

Thanks for spending so much time helping to make this forum great. I'll try to find out about a response for you.


Home / Writing Feedback / the trend:throw away old one instead of repairing. causes and effects?