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The two figures which provide data about the land degradation in 1990s


faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Oct 29, 2016   #1
There are two figures which are provide data about the degradation of land in 1990s. While the pie chart displays all countries information in general, the table divide it into some regions. Overall, over-grazing become the most influenced factor that caused land degradation in all countries. In additions, Europe had the biggest problem in land, while North America just a little percentage

It can be seen that animal farms brought the highest percentage at 35 percent. It was followed by deforestation at 30 percent, and over-cultivation in the third place at 28 percent. Then, other factor had the lowest value at 7 percent.

Based on the table, each region had different biggest problem. In Oceania, over-grazing reach top among the others regional problem at 11.3 percent, totally different with their cultivation problem that had zero percent. Forest cut-down tree problem was the most tremendous in Europe at 9.8 percent while over-planting became the most outweight in North America. However, in sum of all, Europe has 23 percent while North America only 5 percent.




Killua 5 / 10 2  
Oct 29, 2016   #2
Hello, Mushonnifun. Here are some suggestions for you, hope that can help you.

the table divides it into some regions. Overall, over-grazing beca me the most ...
..., while land erosion accounted for just a little percentageat 5% in North America.( Sorry, I am not sure with the last sentence. I believe that someone can make a better correction.

Keep writing.
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Nov 2, 2016   #3
INTRODUCTION

*tenses and sentence form (active-passive), subject+verb agreement errors
*appropriately selected information to be presented as overview although the way its developed/delivered is inadequate


... figures which are provide data about the ...
Overall, over-grazing become the most influenced ...
In additions, Europe had the biggest problem in land, while North America just a little percentage [/i] e.g. EUROPE WAS THE MOST AFFECTED

BODY PARAGRAPH

*presented data in some organisation
*tenses inconsistencies
*lack of a major keyword in the first body [did not mention that those figure/percentage related to land degradation]


In Oceania, over-grazing reach top among the (...) totally different with their cultivation problem ...
Forest cut-down treeREDUNDANT/UNCLEAR problem was the (...) while over-planting became the most outweight in North America.
... Europe has[HAD WHAT] 23 percent while North America only 5 percent.[/i]


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