IELTS task 1: Two possible sites for the supermarket

Please, give a feedback for this essay.

The diagram illustrates two optional places in Garlsdon town for the construction of a new supermarket.

Overall, it can be noticed that the traffic infrastructure of this town involve three main roads and a railway. The population of the town is higher than other thee areas which have link with it.

In more detail, the one of possible sites (S1) is located in the northwest of the Garlsdon town in countryside area, and between the railway from southeast to northwest and a main road. The road connects with Hindon town 12 km northwest of the town, where 10,000 people live.

Turning to the other selection (S2), it situates in the centre of the Garlsdon town where is nearby the railway and surrounded by industry zone. This town involves two dwelling zones locating to the north of and south of that respectively. Apart from above, another of remaining roads leads to Bransdon town 16 km southwest of the town, where has a population of 15,000, and the other link to Cransdon town 25km southeast away from the town, with 29,000 people living.

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It seems to me that the sentences are really segmented and makes it a little awkward to read. Basically, this comes down to sentence structure and how you connect the sentences. Try connecting smaller sentences together so it "flows". Best of luck.

Thank you for the suggestion. I will try to find a good way for linking each sentence.

Hey, sure :D
This is excellent :) You have followed the most appropriate structure, good clear sentences, good vocabulary and impressive presentation :D
Overall, you've done a great job. If you managed time well for this task, I think you are now ready to take up the challenge :) Move on to other tasks now

Good Luck!