Two processes about how to produce cement and how to make concrete for building

The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams illustrate two processes about how to produce cement and how to make concrete for building. Overall, it can be seen that simple process to produce cement by mixing limestone and clay only and produce concrete by using four goods.

The components to make cement are limestone, clay, crusher, mixer, rotating heater, heat, grinder, and bags. The processes begin by crushing limestone and clay to be powder. After that, powder is entered to mixer and continues to rotating heater. It looks like look pipe with source of heat in the end. Next, powder is grinded to become cement. Finally it is ready to cover by bags.

The second process need cement (15%), water (10%), sand (25%), and gravel (25%) to produce concrete. There is a mixture that can be used to mix the entire source in one place. For the first, mix those things into concrete mixer. And then, the mixer will be rotate to mix the ingredients by clock wise rotating direction.

Mardian, it is hard to assess the information you are presenting in your essay because there is no diagram attached. We need that diagram in order to compare your information with. That is how we can correct your mistakes in terms of presenting information aside from any relevant grammar correction. Please do not forget to attach the diagram next time you place an essay for assessment. Thanks.

The main problem that I came across with your essay has to do with your opening statement. It is too short as the required minimum number of sentences for each paragraph is 3 with a maximum of 5. So the lack of sentences will be sure to affect your final score. From the way I read your essay though, and without the diagram to compare it to, it would seem that the essay content is good enough for at least a passing score.

Hello mardian. this is my suggestion
actually your essay is good, but this is my opinion
1. ..., clay, crusher, mixer, rotating heater, heat, grinder, and bags.
maybe you can mention the equipment group, and the material group
e.g. the materials that needed are clay and limestone. the equipment that used are ...
2. ... need cement (15%), water (10%), sand (25%), and gravel (25%) to produce concrete
you can variation your writing with mention the proportion of the material
e.g. ... need 15% of cement, ten percent of water, sand as much as 25%, and 25% 50% of gravel...
by the way there is wrong data. it should be 50% of gravel
good luck