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Two Shops: The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010

restuanlubis 4 / 7  
Mar 27, 2017   #1

Two Shops

The map illustrates regarding to altering the Stoke village in 1930 and 2010. It can be seen that both in the western and eastern of the village had changed.

In the past, 1930, the western land between the River Stoke and a long side road had dominated by Farmland and two shops. By the time, in 2010, not only a long side farmland but also two shops had removed due to erect housing. Furthermore, it is clear that expanding some little road has constructed also.

On the other hand, instead of at opposite the road, there are three changes in eastern side of the road in 2010. Firstly, similar to western side, farmland which located behind the primary school had constructed into houses and expanded on the road. Secondly, the primary school had expanded on three buildings. Lastly, the large house that was located in behind garden had turned into retirement house.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Mar 27, 2017   #2
Restuan, even though you wrote a little over the 150 word requirement, it was not enough to get you a better score for this essay. That is because you failed to accomplish some expected tasks within your essay. Tasks such as an informative summary overview composed of at least 3 sentences, and the mechanical nature of the presentation shows that you just did enough work based upon the existing information. There was no analysis of the information and an effort on your part to present the information in a more personal way that shows a better understanding of the illustration you were provided. It was this type of writing that prevented you from increasing the possible final score for your essay. I don't think you can score higher than a 4 with this practice test. You need to try and apply your English comprehension and analytical skills in your writing. This will require you to better analyze the information that you are provided with and also, force you to write more complex English sentences. Both efforts, if successfully delivered on your part, will definitely result in a better score consideration for you in the actual test.
tamtamii 9 / 7  
Mar 27, 2017   #3
halo Mr. @restuanlubis

Halo Mr. Restu, actually I get your point about your grouping. However, I can understand about your last sentences about turn into retirement house. It is complicated to understand because the time/year is not mention. You should mention the time period in this sentence. I also found some repetitive words such as road, so you can rephrase it into street" or other word that is similar.

Home / Writing Feedback / Two Shops: The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010
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