Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 10

Underground railway systems in the field of opening date, total length of route and annual ridership


MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jun 24, 2013   #1
Topic: The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table illustrates the underground railway systems in six major cities in the field of opening date, total length of route and annual ridership.

Overall, each of the mentioned features of six railroad systems varied considerably. The oldest system in London had the longest route while Kyoto's system accounted for the shortest length and the lowest passenger statistics per year.

In 1863, London's underground system was incorporated, having a total of 394 km in length. Also, it was responsible for carrying an average of 775 million passengers per annum, around 15 times higher than the corresponding figure for the latest system in Los Angeles that began operation in 2001 and covered 28 km of route.

Likewise, the 20th century saw the establishment of the four remaining subterranean railway, of which the system located in Tokyo, being inaugurated in 1927, served the largest number of passengers at 1927 million, nearly doubling the second highest number recorded in Paris. This was followed by Washington DC's subway with 126 km in lines and 144 million travellers. Simultaneously, data for system length and ridership of Kyoto's system was smallest with 11 km and 45 million respectively.



gmad06 20 / 151 55  
Jun 25, 2013   #2
Nice piece..I think you will do just fine in the exam...It may be better
to raise it up a bit with the use of advanced vocabulary..

If I may, this should be a 7-7.5 for academic writing...
OP MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jun 25, 2013   #3
Thank you, it's nice of you to say that! I'm very much worried about the Ielts writing test. It is difficult to achieve band score 6.5
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jul 5, 2013   #4
The table illustrates the underground railway systems in six major citiesin the field of opening date, total length of route and annual ridership.

... Good introduction except for the part I highlighted;
The table illustrates the statistics of underground railway systems in six major cities in terms of date opened, length of route, number of passengers per year.

This is pretty good... all you lack is the "Conclusion" in which you tell a general finding of all these things. Once you do that your response is complete. You may say;

Hope this website would be helpful for you;
OP MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jul 5, 2013   #5
Thank you Dumi, here is my conclusion part:
To sum up, six underground railroad systems aforementioned differed from each other regarding the age, the size of the system and annual passenger numbers.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jul 5, 2013   #6
To sum up, six underground railroad systems aforementioned differed from each other regarding the age, the size of the system and annual passenger numbers.

you write well and don't have to really worry about these tasks... In fact, I found that Pahan (contributor) has suggested another framework, which also sounds very logical, but does not contain any conclusion. May be the conclusion is not a necessity for this task because it's focused on report writing. You better find that out because I haven't taken up IELTS. This is the web site Pahan suggested;

ielts buddy/ielts-writing-task-1.html
It sounds pretty good!
mangdoli 5 / 12 3  
Jul 6, 2013   #7
Your writing is so clear, easy to follow. Can I ask you a question? I don't know what you base on to break down your writing? Normally, my writing just has 3 paragraph . ^^
OP MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jul 6, 2013   #8
Thank you very much, Dumi! I am taking the exam this month and I still feel nervous

what you base on to break down your writing

Thank you Mangdoli! I often divide the features into 2 main trends or 2 main groups of information, corresponding to 2 paragraphs. The other two paragraphs are the introduction and the overview.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jul 6, 2013   #9
Thank you very much, Dumi! I am taking the exam this month and I still feel nervous

I think you really need not to feel nervous. As I already said, your writing is quite good and these exams are not that very tough. The only thing you need to be conscious about is managing time. For that your practicing sessions would help a lot. While you keep writing your own practice essays, try to read the ones others have written on different topics. That would help you pick points.

Wish you good luck for the exam! I'm sure you'll do very well.... Let us know your scores too :D
All the best @ the exam!
OP MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jul 7, 2013   #10
Thank you very much, Dumi! You have helped a lot to improve my writing!


Home / Writing Feedback / Underground railway systems in the field of opening date, total length of route and annual ridership