TOEFL: Universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports

Hi everyone, please help me to check my essay
Thanks a lot :D

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Most of people hypothesize that students go to colleges to study by their brain, not body, so they often disregard lots of outdoor activities. From my perspective, the universities should spend the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to the libraries because sport gives students rewarding entertainment, healthiness and good cooperation.

First and foremost, playing sports is a useful recreation for students after stressful studying in class. Students can choose various kinds of sport such as playing basketball, go swimming and doing aerobic. Instead of going to the bar or disco in which students can be easily addicted to alcohols and drugs, they can go to sports club or the gymnasium to do exercise and learn new skills. For example, I used to engage in basketball club in my college despite not being skillful at playing it. After some time studying diligently from other members, I was chosen to play for an important tournament.

Secondly, through sport, students can develop both physically and mentally. Playing tennis or badminton in each morning or after school time can improve students' health. Having a good heath is extremely indispensable to absorb knowledge, so they can learn effectively and effortlessly. Furthermore, going to sports club give students a high opportunities to socialize and make friends with lots of new and kind people that they have never met. Talking with other friends with different majors and habits can also enhance their communication and behavior skill.

Last but not least, considerable investment in sports activities can set up a united association among students. Some team games like football, basketball or baseball request high team spirit and community solidarity. Thus, all the members must respect the cohesion and cooperate flexibly during the game. Through the sport, students not only stretch their muscles but also understand how vital the unity is.

In a nutshell, the advantages of sports activities which I mentioned above are undeniable and people should change their mind about the necessity of sports activities. Universities have better spend money on improving sports facilities and organizing clubs besides the investment in academic materials in order that students can develop comprehensively.

Hi Linh! I believe that we are from the same country. I'm going to take the TOEFL this July, when will you take the TOEFL?


I think the supporting ideas are not effective. In my opinion, you should explain why sports help students reduce stress.


Good point, but there should be further explanation. For example, you can give some information about a research that sports have good effect on students' work at schools.


Good point! Since people are in a team, they must understand each others very well to reach their goals.

Thanks 123nnt. I really appreciate your help. I haven't decided when to take the TOEFL test. Maybe in August this year

This writing is very strong! If you can always write like this, you will pass the toefl for sure. Just remember to keep the sentences simple and write sentences that you know you can write correctly.

The errors that people corrected in this thread are minor ones. For example:
In a nutshell, the advantages of sports activities which I mentioned above are undeniable, and people should change their minds about the necessity of sports activities.

:-)