Limitless internet surfing of teenagers
In present times, the development of social media has left the internet surfing of teenagers unsupervised. This has lead to the rise of a multitude of problems which holds potential danger to them and society. My purpose in writing this essay is to suggest some measures that can be taken to tackle this problem.
When youngsters especially the teenagers are left unsupervised while using social media apps in order to meet and chat with friends, then become vulnerable to explicit content they may come across. Moreover, it is a trend nowadays to send a friend request to anonymous people on social media. According to youngsters, this is something cool and adventurous but they are unaware of the cybercrimes that may happen on this platform. For instance, one of my classmates was cyberbullied by teenagers who were much older than him, last year. Similar cases are reported every day all around the world. This problem may also have a life-long impact on them.
In order to tackle this problem, the elders can anonymously become a friend of them on social media. They can then keep a track of their activities. In this way, the youngsters would not know that they are being supervised by the elders. In addition to that, the ones who are supervising would get to know what kind of content are the children browsing and what is their friend circle. Therefore, they can easily guide them when they feel that youngsters are going in the wrong direction. For example, in the case of my classmate, he came out of that problem when one of our school teachers anonymously became a friend of him on social media and helped him out.
To conclude, though this problem seems to be small, it is not. In this essay, I have mentioned one of the ways this problem can be addressed. It requires immediate action as it is a matter of concern for our future generations.
"In addition to that, (...) their friend circle."
I think this is not a question, so that should be "... what kind of content the children are browsing and what their friend circle is."
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15347 Hi, I am worried about your over writing in this essay. The normal length of the essay is anywhere from 275-290 words. That is to allow time for proof reading and finalization of the presentation. Proof reading and finalization means that you should review your draft before the time is up for this writing section. Perfecting the content to the most minimal of errors in each scoring section. In this case, you failed to proof your draft before submission. That is why you left several errors in the grammar, cohesiveness, and coherence section of the scoring rubic.
Now, I am not sure if you are responding correctly to this essay prompt because you left an unclear title and no actual reference to the instructions and topic within your paraphrase. Since there are several prompts referring to the internet in the practice essays, I will not touch on your discussion of these sections. I will however, focus on the length of your essay and your inability to proofread your essay for mistakes. Never consider your first version the complete and correct version. Always review, revise, edit, and finalize before submission. You do not have to write a long essay, you don't get extra points for that. You get extra points for submitting an almost error free to totally error free essay. The aim is not length, it is least number of writing mistakes. Once you understand the importance of editing in your tasks, you will be able to write essays that will have an above average score.
@Holt
Thanks alot for your feedback, I will surely write according to your suggestions.
@Holt
Please check if I have written it correctly this time.
In present times, the development of social media has left the internet surfing of teenagers unsupervised.This has lead to the rise of a multitude of problems such as they becoming a victim of cybercrimes.My purpose in writing this essay is to suggest some measures that can be taken to tackle this problem.
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