IELTS - useful or harmful chemicals in our food

Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages?

chemicals and toxins in foods

Recently, agrotoxics and preservatives have become topic of debates in many countries, particularly in mega cities, raising relevant discussions among society. Overall, I agree that there are more negative impacts in our life than benefits, as I believe that diety is essential for health and this essay will argue regarding this point of view.

Firstly, additives used at food industries cause some illness and is the main issue on this matter. It is exemplified by the growing number of cancer rates in U.S. which is represented 9% of citizens are sick, as they changed their diets for convenience, rather than prepare their own meals. In addition to it, is believed that other illness such allergies and skin problems are commonly influenced by the plethora of complex unknown ingredients in the manufactured foods. Therefore, most people who need assistance on their health will likely cost more for public services.

Secondly, other reason why those chemicals in industry is harmful because it have not yet been clarified. For instance, transgenics, which is used in South America indiscrimed will be seen the consequence just for next years, as the researchers do not have information to demonstrate the results by introduced it in basic foods. Although the process with chemical can give more scalability in some companies, rather than normal natural way it has been put our society in enormous risk.

In conclusion, however the development at some manufactures utilizing chemical and toxins in foods to produce enough supply for population, I strongly believe that those chemical are extremely harmful for our health.

I think there is a replication in the first sentence: "debates in many countries" and "disscussions among society".
There is also grammatical errors in the next sentence: you should use "they have more negative impacts ..." instead of "there are more" and "regarding" should be replaced by "in regard to ..."

Franciane, I can say that you have a good understanding of the topic provided for discussion. However, you do not have a good enough lexical resource with which to write this paper at a higher level. You used incorrect descriptive words in most instances and some of the words you used, are not even in the dictionary. So this means that the weakest points of your English writing abilities are in the LR and GRA sections.

Problems in your vocabulary include:

diety - a god or goddess
dietary - relating to diets or dieting.

indiscrimed - not in the English dictionary
indiscriminate - done at random or without careful judgment.

You also have a tendency to write extremely long sentences instead of presenting shorter sentences that could better mix the complex and simple sentence presentations. This is done within the 3-5 sentence format for each paragraph. Most of your paragraphs fall under the minimum requirement.

Use more public knowledge without a measurement of percentages or country specific information. Unless you are an Oncologist, it would be better for your essay to stick to public information as these measurement specific information indicates research done on your part during your practice test. Be mindful of the fact that there will not be any outside internet access as the testing facility so you will not have access to researched information. Always write your practice tests in an actual test setting whenever possible so that you will be better prepared for the limitations of the testing center computer during the actual test.