User Engagement for Social Networking Sites

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn

The average user engagement for four social networking sites is presented in the table and pie chart.

Overall, Facebook and Twitter are two sites with the highest average visits and market shares in spite of the lowest daily usages. Meanwhile, Instagram and LinkedIn users spend the longest time on the sites but show the reverse.

The figures clearly indicate that Facebook and Twitter users spend the least amount of time on the sites with 0,8 and 0,6 hours per day on average. However, the average daily visits for Facebook and Twitter are the highest among fours social networking sites. Furthermore, Facebook and Twitter have the biggest market shares with respective percentage of 50,25% and 19,96%.

The average hours users spend everyday on Instagram and LinkedIn are 1,4 and 1,7 hours becoming the highest among four sites. By contrast, Instagram and LinkedIn show the lowest visits with averages of 16,6 and 7,2 times per day. The proportion of market controlled by these two sites are also the smallest, constituting 18,45% and 11,34%.

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It is good introduction you try to paraphrase the question, but when you remove some words, that caused different meaning.

The question said that the pie chart displays their market share, but you did not write market share is described in pie chart.

I hope this small correction is useful for you to become more be careful when you write next essay.

@irsaqisthi
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the forum! Here is my feedback on this writing.

While I think that you had a sufficient amount of analysis incorporated into your writing, I find that the text itself still lacks that technically and academically appropriate level of appeal. For one, you need to focus more on the transition words you are using and the punctuation marks themselves. If you are able to integrate these two in a more seamless manner, it would make the writing superficially better.

Packaging your words in a more productive way can also go a long way for you. For example, the second sentence of the second paragraph could have just said that Instagram and LinkedIn users show reserve results in spite of time spent on the sites. Notice how doing this makes it a lot more enhanced because you are using more complex and yet less dreaded formatting for the essay. Apply this throughout your essay.