Using punishment to teach children good behavior? Ielts 2

[IELTS ACADEMIC-WRITING TASK 2] PUNISHMENT

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

Educating children has always been a tough task that challenges almost all parents and teachers these days. It is thought that children should be the taught to distinguish two different sides of a problem at a young age, and giving them penalty is essential. This essay will discuss why the belief given above is completely acceptable and provide some forms of discipline that could be used to control the young's behavior

I concur that forming a child's personality from an early age by teaching the right and wrong is absolutely crucial. If children are able to recognize what should do and what should not do, they would have a strong determination to resolve a problem properly. Besides, this educational strategy has functions to enhance juvenile's critical thinking, which is useful for their future development, especially in their academic performance. Punishment is compatible with children's process of achieving this distinction. Parent or teaching staffs could impose a mild penalty on children's wrongdoing so that they would remember to eliminate their inappropriate behavior.

In terms of penalty methods, I opine that both parent and teachers should avoid harsh punishments. Mentally abusing, smacking, hitting, etc could potentially leave children psychologically damaged. Instead, it is recommended that the young should be given constructive penalty which enable them to realize their mistakes. For examples, taking away a child's favorite toy for a day if there has been any misbehavior, he or she will remember not to repeat that mistake

In conclusion, I believe that shaping children's personality through constructive punishment is imperative for the social sustainable development.

The essay is short in terms of discussion requirements. The body of paragraphs should have been composed of your POV regarding the 3 main topics in the essay which are:

Par. 1 : The parents and their responsibility in applying discipline to their children. Ending in a suggestion for a non-corporal punishment.
Par. 2 : The responsibility of educators as teachers in instilling discipline in a child and what sort of punishment the teacher and school can give. Base the solution on your own school's punishment system.

Par. 3: Your own point of view. Explain and support with examples. Close the paragraph with your suggested form of non-corporal punishment as meted out by your parents and teachers.

The score you might get for this essay in an actual setting is around a 5. The main problems lie in the way that you did not properly respond to the task question, limited explanation development, and inappropriate discussion of the task topics provided. The template above for a 5 paragraph essay should have been followed in the body of paragraphs. As for the mistake in your response to the task question, while you gave a measured response, you indicated that "This essay will discuss" rather than responding to the question of "To what extent do YOU...". Since there is a reference to the need to use a personal pronoun by pointing out that "YOU" have to discuss the essay, then you should have said "In this essay, I will be discussing this topic based on the point of view of the teachers and parents prior to offering my own ideas and suggestions."

Your concluding paragraph is faulty. It does not contain the required reverse summary of the body of paragraphs and prompt statement. The conclusion is always 3 sentences long at a minimum.

Some grammatical and spelling mistakes:

- ... giving them a PUNISHMENT is essential.

- ... be given A constructive PUNISHMENT which ENABLES them to ...
- ... for THE social sustainable development.