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Utilizing gap year period through working or travelling (WRITING TASK 2)

Ali20 8 / 14 2  
Oct 15, 2019   #1

Young People are Encouraged To Work or Travel

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Utilizing gap year period through working or travelling is commonly supported in several countries. Many people argue it is unnecessary as it will reduce willingness to continue to higher education and it take much of budgets, but others claim it will give them job experiences and knowledge about others cultural lives.

First of all, many students who have graduated from secondary school join directly to university and refuse gap year opportunity as they claim it is useless. They state that going to working place will reduce spirit to enter university because normally workers are merely focus on collecting money for purchasing properties. In addition, taking a year to explore other places requires excessive cost for recovering accommodations, flights, and foods during holiday time. The graduates think it would be useful if the money is channeled to educational fee. Thus, these activities have possibilities to decrease chance to enter further level of education.

However, some people disagree with the previous opinion, and assume that involve in workplace has a huge benefit. The workers will acquire job experience that is fundamental to seek appropriate major prior to entering universities and they can collect money for paying annual fee of university. For travelers, it also gives them diversity perspectives because they have visited many regions with different traditions, behaviors, and characters. Moreover, they could enjoy the moment after conducting final exam in high school and preparing self to go to university.

To sum up, working and travelling have possibilities to disturb of spirit to carry on to post-graduate level and need a plenty proportion of money. Meanwhile, it is valued meaningful due to having work experience and understanding of cultural diversity.
ng864 4 / 6 3  
Oct 16, 2019   #2
Utilizing a gap year
You should use "a" in the first sentence.

take much of budgets
You should rephrase this part as it doesn't sound right. "take up much of a budget" may sound better.

assume that involve in a/the workplace
It should be "involved" rather than "involve" and you should indicate if it's "a" workplace or "the" (a specific) workplace.

You have good writing and great points. I hope this helps.

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