Nowadays, there are many stories in the news about various elderly problems in USA. For example, elderly are seen as a burden by many people in today society or are treated badly by their loved one.
To improve the current situation, I am proposing education care program for the elderly to be implemented in school. The main objective of this program is to let school children understand on the ageing issues as early as possible so that they can relate their problems and treat their elderly with care and concern.
This program will teach student about the history and lives of the elderly in USA and how they overcome their hardship and build what it is today. Project will be allocated to each group of students so that they can have a deeper understanding for their elderly. Students will also be given credit for their work and prizes will be given to the group who has done exceptionally well in their project. Social activities will also be carried out in Nursing home so that student can engage with the elderly through real life experience.
Budget will also be set aside to train school teachers so that they have better understanding of the situation in the country.
Please help me improve my essay. Thank you
Ka, did your teacher give you any instructions regarding the topic you are supposed to write about in this essay? Somehow, the question that you are supposed to be answering should be reflected in the initial paragraph of the essay. The introduction, as it is known, should have a restated prompt within the minimum of 3 sentences that should comprise the paragraph. I don't really see that reflected in this essay at the moment. So you may want to revise that introduction to make it more effective.
With regards to your second paragraph, you should establish a basis for the education care program that you plan to implement. Aside from presenting the objectives of the program, you should present an idea as to how the program will be funded, who will teach it, and how it should be taught. You only have 2 sentences in that paragraph. Any paragraph composed of 2 sentences is always considered weak and ill effective. Don't keep on summarizing what you have to say. Make it longer. The length of the essay often translates into the depth of understanding that the writer has for the topic he is discussing. Often times, long discussion essays get good grades because the topic is properly developed and discussed in the essay.
I like the content of your third paragraph. It clearly offers an idea of the scope of discussion that your program will cover. It would be best to develop this paragraph in accordance with the requirements that I mentioned in the previous paragraph. The combination will create a balanced and informative discussion of the topic. Please remember though, no paragraph can be composed of a single sentence, so the line about the budget needs to be better developed or integrated into other parts of your essay.
You should have written a concluding paragraph for your essay that portrayed the ideal result of your program. What changes in the treatment of the elderly do you see stemming from the implementation of the program? How confident are you that this will work and at what grade level do you believe this program will be most effective to conduct? Do you see it moving out of the school set up and perhaps turning into a community movement? It would be nice to know that you have expansion plans for your program in the future.
I was told write a simple essay of not more than 250 words.
The topic is to come up a plan to improve the relatonship between the younger generation and the elderly
Please help me improve this short essay
Can anyone helps me improve my sentence structure for the part I have posted above? I will add more detail later.
Many thanks
Ka, your sentence structure is not so much of a problem. You just need to familiarize yourself with using the correct word connectors in the sentences so that the grammar structure can be further improved. You also need to pay attention to your use of singular and plural terms. Let me show you examples of how to improve your sentences below. I might also make some additional comments after the correction. I hope you won't mind.
Nowadays, there are many stories in the news about various elderly problems in USA. For example, THE elderly are seen as a burden by many people in today'S society or THEY are treated badly by their loved oneS.
To improve the current situation, I am proposing THAT AN educationAL care program for the elderly to be implemented in school. The main objective of this program is to let HELP school children understand on the ageing THE issues REGARDING THE ELDERLY as early as possible so that they can relate UNDERSTAND their problems and treat their elderly with care and concern.
So does this paragraph has any error on its singular and plural terms ?
This program will teach students about the history and lives of the elderly in USA and [...]
[...] of the situation in the country.
I cant really see very well when I check my own work :(
Honestly? I still see the same problems that I corrected in my previous response. I am not sure if you could not follow the changes that I made for you in capital letters or if it is not reflecting on your end. You already started correcting the essay using my instructions with the red letter S in your new post. Did you have a problem following the corrections I indicated?
I know what you mean by having a hard time catching the errors when you are the one writing. That is why it is important for you to proofread your work and, whenever possible, use the spellchecker in your word program to help you spot the basic corrections that need to be done. For the more advanced errors, online websites such as grammarly can help you spot and correct the errors.
In the meantime, let me point out the errors to you by line. That should help you spot the corrections better :-)
how they overcomeOVERCAME their hardshipHARDSHIPS and buildBUILT what it is today.
* In this line, your problem is mostly related to tense usage. The terms here should all be in past tense since it already happened to the elderly.
A project will be allocated to each group of students so that they can have a deeper understanding forof their elderly.
prizes will be given to the group whoTHAT has done exceptionally well in their project.
activities will also be carried out in Nn ursing homeHOMES so that studentSTUDENTS can engage
Ab udget will also be set aside to train school teachers so that they CAN have better understanding of the ELDERLY situation in the country.
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