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The various plus points of international tourism are definitely worth the exchange.



coucou97 1 / -  
Dec 9, 2016   #1
topic: International travel has many advantages to both travelers and the country visited. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages?

my essay:

Overseas traveling has become a norm in the last decades, delivering enormous utility to the locality and tourists. However, the equation between the advantages and disadvantages of this activity still remains controversial. Through my personal perspective, the benefits certainly outweigh the drawbacks on many aspect.

On the first hand, the stream of abroad travelers has generated numerous welfares for the host country, regardless of some minor negative impacts. Obviously, due to tourism industry, the localities attracting to foreign visitors has made a great deal of income by doing different kinds of services, ranging from selling souvenirs to professional activities like accommodation fees. Although damages to native environments are certain to exist, the high income from tourism are more than enough to compensate for the environmental preservation cost. Moreover, in term of cultural preservation, many cultural heritages which are on the verge of extinction have been saved through the activity of tourism. This is a cycle in which the need for finances to preserve traditonal values are satisfied by the profits from foreign tourists, afterwards authorities feel the necessity to develop traditional cultures to appeal more people.

On the second hand, both the visitors and local people feel the demand for global integration, which can be achieved easily through tourism on some aspects. By conducting abroad traveling, sightseers have the opportunity to experience interesting and valuable customs in the place they visit. In return, the local society can adapt the technology and knowledge equiped with visitors to better their standard of living. Futhermore, many industrial agreements have been established between foreign investors and local companies after the investors come and visit their potential investment targets.

To sum up, although there are some trifling shortcomings from international tourism, the various plus points are definitely worth the exchange.

kervina 2 / 4  
Dec 9, 2016   #2
To correct:
Overseas travelling,use providing ...
Try To rephrase: the equation between the advantages and disadvantages ...
looks too complicated and sounds a bit awkward
Through my personal perspective- From my point of view
on many aspect(s)
are certain to exist- do certainly exist
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15388  
Dec 9, 2016   #3
Six, ownership of the information and opinion that is presented in an opinion essay is very important. It shows that you have confidence in the information you are presenting and allows the examiner to estimate the degree of your comprehension skills based upon the kind of understanding and logic that you use to discuss the topic. Therefore, use of first pronoun words is of the utmost importance. Terms such as "I, me, my, mine" denote ownership of the opinions presented and would have added to your task accuracy score which by the way, currently stands at a 5.

There is a problem with your cohesiveness and coherence because of the confusing statements that you made in paragraphs 2 and 3. I think something got lost in the translation of what you wanted to say from your mother tongue to English. It made the paragraphs difficult to read so I think you would not get anything higher than a 4 in it.

Lexical resource is another concern for me. This is a section whose score has a direct relation to your coherence and cohesiveness score because the words or vocabulary you used ended up confusing the reader to the point where the subject of the paragraphs were lost. So my score for you in this part would be another 4.

Finally, we come to grammar accuracy and range. This section is scored also in direct relation to the cohesiveness and cohesion and lexical resource. I already explained to you in the previous paragraphs about the problems of the essay so, for the final portion of scoring, I don't think that you will be able to gain more than a 5 in it. The score in this section was increased due to considerations relating to the score of 5 in the task accuracy portion.


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