Vegetarians do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. Is it a good way for others too?

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Opinion Task

Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet.
What is your opinion?

Since plants foods are believed to be better for human body, there is growing concern stating that meat should be excluded from people's diet. In my perspective, despites its evident benefits, vegetarian diet should not be compulsory for all diets.

On the one hand, certain healthy benefits can be obtained as a result of enjoying vegetarian diet. Firstly, it contains a huge source of vitamins or minerals. Therefore, by placing plants foods on daily diet, there will obviously be a fall in other foods' expenditure with the similar purpose of giving adequate nutrition to support our body. Secondly, also by its nutrients content, people surely get less chance of being suffered from those diseases like cancer or obesity by consuming vegetarian diet. For instance, Japanese elderly residents are widely known with the healthy appearance since their diet always contains a huge source of vegetables.

On the other hand, rather than being applied widely, vegetarian diet contains numerous drawbacks for some certain eaters. To begin with, enjoying meat refers to a favorable eating habit that majority of people fail into. Because the tastes value exceeds the 'costs', thus, those are in favor of meat consuming might not be willing to take an exchange for their favorable choice of diet. Furthermore, beef or pork are known as the most valuable source of protein and other nutrients. Hence, if they are excluded from the diet, healthy body will surely not be ensured. For example, back to the past days, majority of people had been suffered from malnutrition since their only available source of food was vegetables.

By way of conclusion, although containing evident benefits like providing vitamins or minerals, I believe that consuming vegetarian diet is not for everyone, especially those who are under sufferance of malnutrition.

I think this's great the introduction is good enough, very interesting writing, but let's check some mistakes, like:

... better for the human body
In my perspective, despites ... --> despite
the vegetarian diet
a daily diet
known for

Can, this is an opinion essay. Therefore, in the thesis statement for your opening paraphrase, you should include your opinion. The way that you presented your essay does not really accomplish this task properly. The correct paraphrase for this prompt is:

There is an ongoing discussion as to whether or not all people should shift to a vegetarian diet. This is based on the information that a carnivorous diet is not necessary in order to eat a health beneficial diet. In my opinion, not everyone should be forced to follow a vegetarian diet just because a particular sector of society believes that vegetarianism has more benefits.

Remember, you are being scored on your paragraph accuracy in terms of content, alignment with the original prompt, and your thesis statement based upon the original discussion instructions. These should be accomplished in no less than 3 sentences. Your opening statement falls short and does not accurately paraphrase the prompt in the process. What I presented above is the most accurate presentation of the original prompt.

Now, since the prompt is asking you to give your opinion, this is supposed to be a one sided discussion. Not a two sided discussion as you presented in your essay. For the one sided discussion of your opinion, you need to have a strong 3 paragraph discussion that indicates one topic sentence per paragraph that is supported by at least 2 reasoning sentences and one example sentence in order to support your point of view.

What you did wrong in this essay is that you provided a 2 sided comparative discussion, which does not equate into a point of view essay. As such, your essay became faulty and will most likely not receive a passing score because you did not offer a proper opinion discussion in the essay. Not once did you use the first person pronoun in this essay that would have proven that this is a personal opinion discussion. It sounds more like a general opinion discussion instead of a personal opinion due to the lack of ownership in your body paragraph statements.