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Ielts2: Video records are better way to learn the way people in the world live rather than documents

aqua modern 409 1 / -  
Feb 25, 2023   #1
Video records are better way to learn about the way other people in the world live rather than written documents.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While some people suppose that videos records outweigh written records in describing people's life around the world, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint. Since the written information still plays an important role in this aspect.

Intially, video can be really interesting and get more attention from people since the information is displayed by moving images. For example, the life can be described vividly through the daily activities filming by the camera, consequently it is easy to understand. In addition, watching a video may not be as time-consuming as reading a book, which is taken into consideration by many folks.

However, written documents have many advantages that video records cannot offer. Firstly, they can illustrate the meaning of each activity in depth, which we are not able to comprehend by watching the activity itself. For instance, we can only acknowledge how the Tet, one of Vietnamese festivals, is prepared without knowing the true meanings of each preparation. Secondly, some lifestyles that appeared in the past, when video records were not availabe, can only be learned by the written records. For those reasons, written documents offer us a deep understanding about the lives of people on the Earth.

In conclusion, video records may provide an recreational way to learn about the human's life, but written records will be a more-prefered option for those reasons above.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,830 4781  
Feb 26, 2023   #2
Well, it appears that you are 25 words short of the acceptable word count in this presentation. That poses a big problem for you in the sense that you will receive percentage deductions for the unattained minimum count for the discussion. It will have an overall failing score effect on your total grade in the end.

On a positive note, you were really clear with your topic restatement and writer's opinion. The thesis sentence could have been more complete but actually manages to serve its purpose anyway so it can still help boost your TA score. You were certainly off to a good start.

The first reasoning paragraph strongly supports and explains your opinion. Another notable positive of this presentation. Right after that though, you made a negative move that would have this essay scored as under developed. The examiner's expectation is that you will be presenting 2 reasons to prove the validity of your opinion, but the second paragraph did not do that. Instead, you tried to explain the validity of the opposing side in relation to the topic presented. Since this is a single opinion defense essay rather than a comparative discussion, this second paragraph will not receive a score and will not be counted towards the total word count of the essay, further reducing your final score and increasing your lack of word count percentage deduction.

While your word usage is intermediate and the sentences are not confusing to understand, more variations in sentence styles and higher level word usage would have increased the scores in those sections. Take the risk next time. Use more sentence styles, but not run-on sentences. When you have deductions in relation to word count and incorrect response formatting, these 2 sections can help increase your score, but will not assure you of a passing score.

Based on these observations, please write another essay using the same writing instruction but a different topic. Make sure to apply the changes I am suggesting. I will review that paper for improvements with regards to this writing instruction.

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