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Wanwan's diary: I & S hiking diary


sall530 1 / 1  
Jun 15, 2020   #1

we know each other more



some people make you feel happy
some people make you feel good
some people make you strong

Today me and S went to Tai To Yan for hiking, its totally 10km.
In the begin Im afraid we can't finish because of the weather and looks longer step,
Finally we finish the difficult hiking this afternoon with talk, all of my worry is gone and we know each other more and more.

She is from Guangzhou, its J's girlfriend.
She like freedom and stimulate, after graduate she just stay in Hong Kong for work.
S meet J at a conference in hong kong in 2018, and like him immediately.
its kind of romantic meet.

They will travel to UK for study in the future.
She seems like very ready for future.
I hope this cute couple will keep encourage each other to the end.

Every time after exercise always make me feel fresh,
sometime even some new stories into my life, I will expect next story come.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,110 3260  
Jun 15, 2020   #2
The grammar in this essay is very problematic. It does not affect the intent or what you want to say in the presentation but it still presents a difficult read for an ENL. You need to do more English sentence building exercises. There is also the question of formatting in the presentation. You call this a hiking diary but you have presented it in the form of a poem. Which one is it? If you are writing in a diary or journal, you should not be using poetic verses in the presentation. It should be presented essay style because you are presenting a narrative to the reader. You should look at the example of diary entries online. It will give you a better idea as to how to write a diary entry. It requires: a date, a location, a summary of the day and the notable events that happened in, along with your pondering and / or opinion.

Spelling errors:
Im- I'm
hong kong - Hong Kong
its - It's

The total presentation is riddled with grammar errors. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to rewrite the diary entry for you. Just know that you need to work on the fluency of your writing. Word choice presentations and proper word usage would be the best place to start with your lessons.
OP sall530 1 / 1  
Jun 15, 2020   #3
@Holt
Thanks for your comment :)
This is my first time writing here, ´╝╗Unfortunately, I am not allowed to rewrite the diary entry for you.´╝ŻAm I did anything wrong on this diary setting?


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