Hi Mrs Holt. Would you please give feedback on my personal statement? I would really appreciate it. Thank you.
Personal Statement essay
Why you want to undertake postgraduate study.
Your reasons for choosing the specific course. This is vital. Saying you are interested in "business" or "management" is not sufficient.
Show to us that you understand the subject or purpose of the course. We want to be sure you have selected the correct degree programme.
How your first degree and/or work experience is relevant to the course, or, if you're changing direction please tell us why and explain your decisions.
What academic skills you have developed and how they relate to the MSc course you have chosen.
What personal skills can you offer? Again, you must explain how these skills are relevant for your study at WMG
Your future career goals.
Having a chance to study first degree was one of the things I'm grateful. I was taking X course and later on concentrated in International Trade. The moment I realized that I was extremely into this course was when my lecturer played Crash classes. Starting from that point, I was hunted of my curiosity and wanted to know more about International Trade up until now. A significant turning point was when I read the news that the officials in my hometown made a statement that they wanted to export our local finished foods directly from X Island. However, due to lack of proper knowledge and basic understanding about exporting, they are facing a problem. Thus, I wish I could get a deeper understanding by taking Msc in International Trade, Strategy, and Operations offered at Warwick Manufacturing Group.
A subject in university back then called X also interested me to learn more about International Trade. I have learnt vigorous things from this subject. One of them is what called as correspondence, the crucial concept in export-import. This concept made me familiar with exporting and importing. To enhance our understanding of the subject, my friends and I had a project where we developed our own business and want to export the product. I proposed to sell coffee as our product and we decided Finland as our country destination of exporting. Besides, I also did a marketing strategy using the four P's in which I explained more detail about the product, place, promotion, and price. I mentioned that our coffee was offered in a small sachet to ease bringing them anywhere such as during travel. The target market place is X where I mentioned that this kind of market was the easiest place customers can reach. I realized that technology played a big role nowadays and could reach wider audience so I decided to promote our business through online advertising. Since we wanted all customers at all level of income could enjoy our product, I decided to set the price of our coffee preferably cheap. Besides, we also constructed the promotion and inquiry letter, offer and order sheet, as well as sales contract. This project, not only has increased my understanding but also developed my teamwork, research and critical thinking skill in which I believe those skills are relevant and useful for ITSO master program.
My journey working as a procurement officer in X company has become a medium for me to apply what I've learnt during first degree. At this company I was responsible to procure small stones of diamonds from our suppliers abroad including Hong Kong, India and Singapore. We imported the materials to our country through a third-party transportation company called X. . Initially, the exporting companies send their offer sheets and I later on would send them back an order sheet alongside asking for the final prices. Besides, as an importer, I also contributed to do market research through internet website such as X. Despite the fact that the company I worked in is a local company from Indonesia, I perceived some international aspects on the way we imported materials and it made me interested to learn in deep about this especially on how to determine the correct delivery mechanism and transportation.
To develop my skill, I also constantly learn more about this course by joining X Community, an Indonesia community that primarily discuss about export and import. This ITSO master program is in line with my education background. This course is designed with the aim to prepare the students understand the practice of how international trade operates and I wish I could be well-prepared by studying this course.
My future goal is to be an export specialist and work in an international company as well with the hope to successfully cultivate my learning in the professional field. To help the socitey, I also like to involve in X Training Center where I could contribute as one of the trainers in there and teach small and medium businesses to expand their businesses to cross-border countries. I would like to share what I've learnt at WMG to them through seminars, workshops, or classes. I am intrigued to teach in least developed cities where the access to information about export-import is highly limited. Therefore, I believe that studying ITSO course at WMG woud hone my understanding and skills needed for my future career.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,303 3989
I wish I could get a deeper understanding
What exactly is your current job? Use that current job reference as the platform for your interest in the announcement by the government, then relate it directly to the course as being the moving factor for you based on reasons that you will be discussing throughout the essay.
Work less on your academic experience under the first course. Summarize that. Since you are applying for a masters course, your current job requirements should be the basis of your interest in the course. Your skills development lacks a more effective presentation and discussion. This aspect will be of high importance to your application since it should explain how your current job has prepared you to accomplish the masters course requirements and also, helps the reviewer assess if you have any unique exposure or professional qualities that could add to the other students learning experience by having you participate in the class.
Right now, the essay does not connect effectively in terms of applicant skills considerations. Maybe because you are too focused on using the undergraduate course as your qualifier when it should be work exposure, professional needs, and future trends that should be the driving force of your application. You need to also, relate more to the subjects and university in relation to your learning needs.