Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

WT 1 - Water consumption in different purpose and areas


Diahkn93 6 / 9  
Apr 26, 2017   #1

correlation between water usage purpose and consumed products



The graph and table shows information correlation of purpose water using and as products consuming. It is clearly, worldwide scale water is one important thing to grow crops. While it also had same crucial as Brazil used for irrigated their land.

The most noticeable, globally water being exploited for agriculture. Following year after it was increased constantly and reached a peak by far 3,000 km2. Meanwhile water is less used for domestic use in contrast industrial use also grew steadily by over 1,000 km2 areas in the end of the year.

However, In America Latin regions, Democratic Republic of Congo being the lowest in terms of water applications of human needs than Brazil did. They have several aspect which give impact of water such as have more populations and bigger areas for farmland compare to Congo. It is evidence with 359 m3 being use for people consumption which is ten times higher than Congo.




syamsiahRahim 9 / 15 3  
Apr 26, 2017   #2
@Diahkn93

I have read your essay and I will give you some feed back
it was increased (increased) constantly (pay attention with active and passive sentence)
Meanwhile water is less used for domestic use... (I think in this sentence you must use "past perpect" to exhibit the real time in the graph given)

and I think you should add the cohesive devices effectively between sentence in last paragraph to make your essay coherence and cohesive
agus_mono 13 / 23 2  
Apr 26, 2017   #3
hay @Diahkn93
i have several advice to boost your score in this writing
firstly, in introducing the chart, you have give a clear introduction. in this essay, you did not mention the year, actually, both line and table provide the year when the measurement was taken. it is important also to make emphases on your overview. the word 'use' is inappropriate if you put there because it not link two sentences, so you may use meanwhile.

Pay more attention on your grammatical accuracy because you will get no more than 6 if you produce too much grammatical mistakes.
Secondly, you did not make any comparisons on this essay. this is important because you may just stay on 5 if you just list the figure. try to choose the interesting one and compare to other possible figure.


Home / Writing Feedback / WT 1 - Water consumption in different purpose and areas