IELTS 1: how the water passes from the ocean to land through a natural process called 'water cycle'

Please help me in my writing task 1

Water cycle

The diagram illustrates how the water passes from the ocean to land through a natural process called 'water cycle'

It is noticable that there are 3 main stages in this process, beginning with the evaporation of water and ending with the water's journey back to the ocean again.

In the first step, the water evaporate at a result of the sunshine. It is estimate that water from the ocean take about eighty percent total water vapor in air. After the evaporation, clouds are formed by the condensing of water vapor.

Clouds are then heavier and cause rain in land. They also cause snow in higher area. This rainwater partly pours into lakes or flows back to the ocean via 'surface runoff'. Another part of water from precipitation absorbs into the ground and return to the ocean. Finally, salt water intrustes just before groundwater reach the ocean and then the process finishes.

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  water cycle
  

I am not confident that you can get a good score with a mere 151 words written. You should aim to write at least 1750 words to get a better overall scoring consideration. The sentences are too short. There are not enough simple and complex sentence presentations to warrant a better GRA score. There are spelling problems within the essay, and you seem to have taken a short cut in the presentation of the water cycle process.

The overview is not complete enough. It should have 3 sentences in it that present:
- The type of image
- The listing of the 3 stages
- The final outcome of the cycle

From there, you should have a uniform way of presenting the explanation. If you start with "First", then continue with "Second", and "Third" or "The final step". You need uniformity in your procedure presentation.

You did not spellcheck your work. There are spelling errors:
noticable - noticeable
intrustes - intrusion

You did not change the presentation enough when it came to the presentation of the evaporation explanation. You used the statement in an almost cut and paste method. You should have changed the presentation enough to make it appear to the examiner that you did not simply memorize the phrase for reuse in your presentation. Another way of presenting that portion:

Evaporation is reliant on the rate of water vaporization in the ocean. The ocean has a water dissipation rate of 80 % , a major contributor to the condensed air rising into the clouds.

Overall you did just well enough to possibly pass the test. You could have done better. Perhaps I will see your improvement in the next essay? I look forward to it.