Water Pollution And the effect

protecting the water from beach contamination

In present, water pollution is a serious problem for sea creatures and human.Even the road we go to school everyday or the beach we sometimes go in summer is polluted. Quynh Phuong Beach is well-known for local people but it is also the place which is the most polluted in Quynh Phuong.

When someone go across Quynh Phuong beach, they will see rubbish on the seaside and the discharged water, habit garbage around the restaurants which are near the beach. Fishing wharf has become a place which local people throw trash. It make Quynh Phuong beach smell badly. The amount of the rubbish increases rapidly. Moroever; the president of Quynh Phuong commune say that " Oh! Everyone has been familiar with the trash."

SO, What will happen if we leave everything without handle water pollution. It not only bring death to sea species but it also make us die when we eat those death seafood without thinking anything. The tourism will be decrease dramatically beacause of the ugly and dirty beach. Many restaurant, hotel near the beach will easily be shut down. The beaty of the beach will be gone forever.

We need to do something to protect the beach. Some of Hoang Mai high school' s student has been to the beach to clean up the sewage on the beach and there are many people come to the beach to wipe out the seaside. Moroever; we also should warn everybody about the harm of water pollution so they can help to protect the beach.

In short, we should prevent the pollutants from contaminating the beach

The discussion is not focused. It is lacking in brainstorming and proper reasoning development. Is the focus on the pollution problem or the beach pollution problem? You seem to be trying to focus on 2 different topics in the presentation, making it a bit confusing for the reader to keep track of. Is this discussion based on the Task 2 topic or, is this just an English language writing exercise? If it is for the task 2 test, then we have a problem.

As a task 2 essay, there is no clear prompt restatement. The thesis statement is also missing from the presentation. The reference in the discussion does not represent the original discussion reference points. So that will be a very big problem right from the start. Then, the lack of focused discussion references create an incoherent presentation. It is not cohesive in the sense that the discussion is flying all over the place, without an effort on your part to connect the discussion paragraphs.

I believe that you can do a better job than this in your next essay. Regardless of whether you are trying to discuss based on a simple writing task or, on a Task 2 essay topic, the problems that exist in your written presentation are the same. Maybe focus on a proper outlining of the discussion first? Brainstorm and ensure that you understand the focus of the discussion before you start writing the response. Use about 10 minutes for that task. Make sure everything connects before you start drafting your response.

- The task response is not completed properly. You should have a statement to show an obvious opinion.
- The body does not include clear points to strengthen your ideas.