I need your help to improve my IELTS writing. So please you can give comments, suggestions and advices about Grammar Issues, Task Responses, Flow sentence, and Vocabulary uses. I would be pleased if you give comments with your best sample. Thank you :)Recently some people can work from home using modern technology. Some think this only benefits the workers, but not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Working habits are significantly changed by remarkable innovation in technology. Some people throughout the world are contemporary using such innovation to finish their job without spending an average of full working week on their office. While it gives a clear advantage to the employees and their managers, I tend to be convinced that such a case gives a definite disadvantage to the employers.
An overwhelming majority of staffs in several companies nowadays are using internet connection to send their work reports. As straightforward example, 89 % of employees in Multinational Companies send the sales report by electronic mail to their employers. It is as the managers should recapitulate the report quickly to get greater profit. Consequently, the staffs do not need to spend their time to go to the workplace when they know the sales report at home. Furthermore, the employers can earn huge surplus by receiving the sales review. Thanks to the modern technology as it can reduce sedentary activity at office and improve company's profit.
Apparently, modern technology can disturb employers to make their business success in particular condition.
The evidence of this case can be seen that a half of Japanese companies inflict a financial loss throughout this year. it happens as all networking systems in the companies hacked by their rivals when their employees send work report to the managers. As a result, their secret data spread among their competitors. Finally the companies cannot get a profit or even some of them are loss. It is clear that employers get a drawback from the modern technology.
The aforementioned evidence shows that advanced in technology can give the merits to employers and their staff by using internet connection. However, it can be danger to companies and their managers when they do not careful with the possibility of hacking activity. Therefore, either employers or employees should be aware to use this technology as it can profit their companies as well as can be danger.