The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is discusses that reducing the need for people to go to work, school is the only way to decrease the amount of traffic in the cities. While I agree that the amount of traffic in the cities will be decreased by reducing the requirement to go out, I believe that it is not the only way to reduce the traffic.
On the one hand, I agree reducing the requirement to go out will reduce the traffic in the city. Nowaday, many people are having tendency to using thier own vehicle because they find it convenient and they can go to work or take their children to school without taking money. That is the main reason why the amount of the traffic is increasing in many city, which lead to traffic congestion and accidents. Fortunately, with the development of internet, employees can work in home, which they can send their assignments to they manager or attend online meeting. Or even the students can join their online classes so that the amount of traffic can be reduce in the city.
Nevertheless, reduce the need cant be the only way to reduce he traffic in the city because reducing the need for people to go to work, school can make them lack of social skills. Instead of reducing it, the goverment should encourage people to use public transports or cooperate with the individual companies to make the suitable schedule for employees like some days they will work in home and the other days will work in office.
In conclusion, while reducing the need to go out for work, education, entertainment can decrease the traffic in the cities, I dont believe that it is the only way.
Hello daneko, underneath are some mistakes you need to fix:
1,It is discusses that reducing the need for people to go to ->discusses have to change into discussed this sentence is a passive not an active
2,I agree reducing the requirement to go out will reduce the traffic in the city->"to go out" I think you should change into For going out .Will-> can
5, To using-> to use
6,taking money-> losing money/ having to bring money with them
7,leadS to traffic congestion
8,work AT home-> Home have to go with "at", not "in"
9, the amount of traffic can be reduceD
10,reducING the need
11,You should try to learn how to paraphrase more.
12,I dont believe that it ... it sounds a little bit curt,you should write more like ,I dont believe that it is the only way to help people to cut down on the traffic jam
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The sentence formation of your opening paraphrase is incorrect. The first sentence does not make any sense. Who is discussing what? Why is it being discussed? These are key elements presented in the original prompt that should be in your restatement. These are missing or nonsensical in your presentation. It has created confusion in the paragraph which has led to an unclear response to the given question.
You should have phrased your response as a measured presentation similar to; "I agree with this statement only up to the extent that traffic in cities will be decreased... I believe that there are other ways...Two methods that can be used are..." Always combine the measured extent response with a specific reason or two for your presentation.
This is a single point of view, not a comparison essay so when you use the comparison discussion, you are blurring your actual line of reasoning, which will lead to a reduced score due to a lack of clarity on your opinion. Always focus on defending your reasons and nothing more. The strength of this discussion lies in your ability to convince the reader that only your point of view is correct. You cannot do that if you offer a comparative discussion.
The conclusion is incomplete. You need to present a proper summary of the topic, your measured response, and reasons. Use at least 3 sentences to make sure you cover all the bases, but don't write more than 5. A minimum of 40 words in this paragraph will also suffice. Avoid a run-on presentation as you have done so in this presentation.