My TOEFL test is only a few days away! Please help me with this essay, point out my mistakes, and give me some advice! A lot of thanks!!!
Topic:Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends?
a. joing a sports team, b. participate in community activities, c. traveling
It is commonly believed that making friends is an essential part of people's normal social life. This is especially true for students, whose personalities have not been fully developed, and friends will surely help mold their character and share their growing pains as well as happiness. So which way, among joining a sports team, participating in community activities and traveling, is the best for students to make friends? My choice is joining a sports team.
In the first place, joining a sports team is definitely a great opportunity for students to meet their peers. Even though students spend most of their time at school, surrounded by their peers, actually, in most cases, a student can only know a few classmates well. Joining a sports team, however, enable students to see many other students outside their classroom. Take me for an example, on the badminton team of my school, I met my partner whom I had barely talked to before. We often played together and enjoyed ourselves so much that we finally became good friends.
Further, on a sports team, students collaborate with each other, which can bring them a sense of unity, and close friendship naturally develops. For example, boys on a basketball team will spend a lot of time practicing together. After many tough games, the boys on the team will be able to understand each other only by action. They share the same goal and same interests; they laugh and cry together. Their friendship is so strong that can last for the whole lifetime.
Admittedly, participating in community activities and traveling are quite good ways of making new friends as well. However, I believe that playing sports on a team is an even better way. When participating community activities or traveling, students meet with new people, too. Nevertheless, the people who they meet with are usually from a completely different background from them, so the chances are that it is hard for them to find common interests, let alone make friends with them.
Based on all these arguments, joining a sports team is arguably the best way for students to make friends. I hope that more and more students go out of their houses and a good time playing sports with their friends.
and share their growing pains as well as happiness
This means that their pain is increasing. I guess you meant the pains related to growing up. You may reword for better understanding.
Even though students spend most of their time at school, surrounded by their peers, actually, in most cases , a student can only know a few classmates well
Take me for an example,.
This can be worded better like, I will quote my own example.
on the badminton team of my school, I met my partner whom I had barely talked to before.
My partner in the school badminton team was person with whom I hardly interacted before. ( this can be further improved)
Their friendship is so strong that can last for the whole lifetime
Their friendship is so strong that it will last for a lifetime.
joining a sports team is arguably the best way for students to make friends
and a good time playing sports with their friends.
and
have a good time....
It is commonly believed that making friends is an essential part of people's normal social life.
So which way, among joining a sports team, participating in community activities and traveling, is the best for students to make friends? My choice is joining a sports team
What is the best way to make new friends? Is it joining a sports team, participating in community activities or traveling? My choice is joining a sports teamIn the first place, joining a sports team is definitely a great opportunity for students to meet their peers.
... You meet peers everywhere, but this gives you an opportunity to know them better and I think that's the difference. So, I suggest;
In the first place, joining a sports team is one of the best opportunities for students to get to know their peers better.You write very well and I think you are ready for this task now :)
Good Luck!
