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On the whole, people need to be aware of the value of food-consumed.


Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Mar 4, 2015   #1
Food can be produced cheaper if we use improved fertilizers and better machinery. However some of methods may be dangerous for human health, and have negative effects for local communities. What is your opinion?

Chemical fertilizer resulting from today's developments in science and technology are bound to pose benefits to the local community and human health.
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EF_Jasmine - / 68 39  
Mar 5, 2015   #2
Hello! my edits and suggestion are below:

Food can be produced cheaper if we use improved fertilizers and better machinery. However some of methods may be dangerous for human health, and have negative effects for local communities. What is your opinion?

Chemical fertilizer resulting from today's developments in science and technology are bound to pose benefits to the local community and human health. While this argument is nearly to be true to some extent due to the fact that some people could enhance productivity as to achieve cheaper food( End sentence here). Others argue that plants grown in this fertilizer are fairly susceptible to diseases organisms. Both ideas address merits and demerits. Therefore, it is my firm conviction that while controlling the increasing in use of chemical fertilizer in farm lands, local government should also lead the farmers into the true belief that organic fertilizer is more productive. ( Great way to start your introduction, your argument is clear! I notice you use the word "to" a few times, try replacing "to" with an alternate word)

Food using artificial products enables society to get this in the economical price owing to the amount of this production is affordable in every place, and this is totally different compared to organic food <( A little confusing, consider revising this sentence). A research study has examined that well-manicured European ( is a great expenditure) due to the huge amount of money ( they spend annually) because this Europe country is the biggest market for organic food in the world. This is slightly different compared to Indonesia where the majority of people in this country consume chemical food which is in low prices is low priced. In consequence, human beings are always attracted by economical market(s).< (Did you mean human beings like low prices for food? Your last sentence is not clear.)

Conversely, what stands out from food using fertilizer and better machinery is ( that) this approach affects to people's health and local communities. For pragmatic instance, people are easily to get disease get diseases easily such as cancer because the food that they consumedcontents contain of natural toxins, so this poison attacks their health. As an inevitable result, conventional farming neverdoes (is not) not becomes safe through (the) human body.

On the whole, ( Please consider using another closing phrase) people need to should be aware of the value food-consumed. For this reason, government should cooperate with health authorities in terms of controlling pesticide-used into the food. Also, they ( who is they?) should remind farmers to use the organic fertilizer is more productive rather than going back to basics.

Hi! You have a great start here! I see where you are going! You have a great vocabulary! Some of your sentences came across a little unclear, I gave you edit suggestions.Once you clarify the sentences you will have a great essay on your hands. Try closing your essay( last paragraph) with wrapping up the whole essay such as, your thoughts, and a couple of sentences about what you agree with and what you disagree with. Good luck!


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