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a wide range of subjects or a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career.

HelenTran 1 / -  
May 4, 2020   #1

Which Type of education is best for students?

These days there are various perspectives on the question of whether secondary schools should provide students with a wide range of subjects or a narrow scope of subjects related a particular career. While I accept that the former education system brings many merits, benefits of particular subjects should not be overlooked.

On the one hand, students can significantly benefit from a system of education which offers various different subjects. First, exposing themselves to many areas of knowledge, students can find out their field of interest and strengths. In fact, students at this age might not know exactly what they really want to become in the future or their future orientation, so the education of various subjects could help students to determine their career paths. Second, different subjects facilitate children's well-rounded development, which would be essentially beneficial for them when embarking on their careers in the future.

On the other hand, there are certain advantages for students if they are provided an education system with employment-based subjects. First, students who study a particular group of subjects may have more time and concentration on skill as well as requirements to become exceptionally excellent at a particular job. As a result, having a profound insight into to a specific field endows students with prominent advantages over others in the current competitive labour market. Second, since not devoting to subjects irrelevant to their future occupations, students would have more time to participate in extra-curricular activities after schools, which builds up their soft skills and enhances stamina.

In conclusion, from my perspective, the benefits of both types of education should be equally considered to bring students the best academic environment.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,363 2885  
May 4, 2020   #2
Based on the original prompt for this essay, you cannot take the middle stand and say that both methods of teaching have benefits that should not be overlooked. The prompt instruction requires you to pick one of the two educational systems to provide support for in your reasoning discussion. This is the method by which you are to write the essay based on the following instruction:

For today's world, which system is appropriate?

Based on the aforementioned instruction, the method by which you are to approach the task discussion is the singular opinion approach. The supporting reasons, should be based on your personal learning experience. Your personal learning experience, discussed in a general manner, without particular pronoun use, should help to explain why you feel that one particular method of teaching is more relevant in the 21st century teaching field. The discussion instruction does not leave any room for a comparative form of discussion as you have presented here.

Your essay will suffer in the TA scoring section because you failed to make a decision that reflects a clear opinion within the reasoning paragraphs. Yes, it is important that you pick only one side of the educational method to discuss. That is because the essay is asking you to present a personal preference for the educational method. You cannot prefer to study in both teaching styles. Even actual schools have only one teaching method that they use to teach their students. So you have to choose one teaching method also.

Due to your inability to present an actual position in relation to the discussion topic, I do not believe that your TA score will be more than a 3. You must present a clear position in the task when one is required, such as in this essay. With such a low TA score, you cannot expect to reach the 5 band consideration for the overall scoring result. That is because the reasoning paragraphs are under developed. You are presenting more than one reason per paragraph, which leaves you with a little explained second reason in the same paragraph. This leads to unclear explanations and non-cohesive paragraph presentations.

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