'Women less appreciated in society?' - an IELTS exam

Some people say that women can do everything that men can do and they even do it better. others claim that " a woman's place is in the home". What do you think?

Since the dawn of human ingenuity, women and men have had different roles in the community. Yet some believe that females are much better to fulfill certain tasks which even man can not. However, owing to the genetic inheritance and social components, these disparities do exist and my personal view is outlined below.

For a start, it is irrefutable that men are far better to perform any physical task. Olympic Games, to illustrate, divided two sexes into categories taking their physical strength into consideration. Thus, the notion that women can compete with men in every field is clearly flawed. Besides, females can not manage company as men do. They rest upon their personal feelings during opting for crucial choice, which hinder to the burgeon of the organisation.

Furthermore, women are regarded one step lower than their opposite gender and less appreciated in society as their focal point are to do household chores and children's upbringing. They often did not intervene to the budget of the family because husbands were solely breadwinners. Take for example Africa, where women's traditional roles have not been altered for centuries. They still stay at home and take care of their offspring' behavior. Nevertheless, such circumstances have been witnessed in 3rd world countries and in some developing world, affluent ones have already equalized the rank of two genders.

All in all, considering the views which have been pointed out, I reckon the disparity amongst men and women will never be converged as males are morally higher and physically dominant in each case

Since the dawn of human ingenuity, women and men have had different roles in the community. Yet some believe that females are much better at fulfilling certain tasks which even man cannot . However, owing to the genetic inheritance and social components, these disparities do exist and my personal view is outlined below.

For a start (consider revising), it is irrefutable that men are far better at performing any physical task. Olympic Games, to illustrate, divided two sexes into categories taking their physical strength into consideration. Thus, the notion that women can compete with men in every field is clearly flawed. Besides, females can not manage companies (or a company) as men do. They rest upon their personal feelings during when opting for crucial choicesthat hinder to the burgeon of the organisation.

[Furthermore, women are regarded one step lower than their opposite gender and are less appreciated in society as their focal point are to do household chores and children's upbringing] That sentence is getting really close to a run on, consider revising . They often did notdon't(At the beginning of the paragraph you were writing in present tense) intervene to the budget of the family because husbands were solely breadwinners. Take for example Africa, where women's traditional roles have not been altered for centuries. They still stay at home and take care of their offspring' behavior. [Nevertheless, such circumstances have been witnessed in 3rd world countries and in some developing world(in some developing world? is it mars? perhaps? consider revising) , affluent ones have already equalized the rank of two genders.] This sentence is so ambiguous, I have no idea what you're trying to say and it has awkward wording, consider revising thoroughly

All in all(consider revising, don't really know what you tried to say there),{ considering the views which have been pointed out, I reckon the disparity amongst men and women will never be converged as males are morally higher (ambiguous) and physically dominant in each case.} This sentence has awkward wording, consider revising.

Since the dawn of human ingenuity, women and men have had different roles to play in the community


It's better you clearly expressed the opinion in the introduction itself. It is a nicer way to conclude your introduction.


..."To begin with" is a better phrase to use. Well, men are stronger than women, but women have more stamina than men. So, in activities that needs more stamina, women may perform better than men. My advice for you is avoid making stereotype statements.

To begin with, it is obvious that men and women differ in their physical strengths.

dumi
well thanks a lot for your advice and i consider them in my upcoming essays. but, in your opinion , which band does it deserve???

i really appreciate that , can u score?

I can see you are desperate to find out the band that you can earn :D
Well, I am not good at guessing that, but I can provide you with a link which may help you to assess your band. Here it is;

ielts.org/PDF/UOBDs_WritingT2.pdf


Well, you better mention that this is how the woman had been perceived by society. Also, this may not be the right version for today's women :D