Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 12


Go out to work (both parents have to work nowadays)



Slim shady 12 / 25  
Jun 27, 2012   #1
In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Discuss.

Today, it is getting much more prominent to go abroad to work for both parents. If we look at past times, we can see many families, which consisted of a father who went out to work and a mother who stayed at home and looked after the children. However, it is much more different today and many families think that it is important for both parents to go out to work. This circumstance can affect children both positively and negatively.

Some people believe that children whose both parents go out to work have more access in their everyday life. Because, their parents are able to afford more things such as new clothes, up to dated computers and mobile phones and video games. Moreover, most people think that children can enjoy and get experience from life because of their parents' wealth. For instance, they are able to go abroad on holidays.

On the other hand, there are people who claim that children who are in position like this less likely to get enough support and attention, this means they may not to carry out as well at study. Because there is no one who can provide with support such as to do homework or revision. Furthermore, less attention of parents can make it easier for children to adapt such things as drugs and early alcohol drinking.

To sum up, I think no-one can deny that both parents have to work nowadays. In addition, it is also important to make time for children, and then children will not suffer in any way.

Opara 1 / 14  
Jun 27, 2012   #2
What's this for?

When we know it's target, we can then help out...
OP Slim shady 12 / 25  
Jun 27, 2012   #3
it is for IELTS exam
Opara 1 / 14  
Jun 27, 2012   #4
then it is fabulous... you must be near an expert...
hadi1981 25 / 43  
Jun 27, 2012   #5
Hi Shadi.

Today It is getting much more prominent to go abroad to work for both parents.

It is not good to start your essay by (today)
deepakbaniya 3 / 91  
Jun 27, 2012   #6
If we look at past, ... father went out to work and mother stayed at home looking after the children. However, it is much more different today many families consider it is more fruitful ...

Supporters of this idea believe that ...
hallucinate 1 / 2  
Jun 27, 2012   #7
My advice is
+ your word "prominent" is commonly used in politic and business so you can replace by "important" or "essential" or you can use the structure "to play a crucial/ a significant role",...

+ important for both parents to go out to work=> important for both parents to work
+ have more access in their everyday life=> have more access to smth (such as video games, toys,...) or you can say their lives is much more convenient (sorry, I'm new at writing so I don't know many academic words __ ___!)

+ are able to afford=> are capable of affording
chessman567 5 / 168  
Jun 27, 2012   #8
Because [DON'T START YOUR SENTENCES WITH BECAUSE], their parents are able to afford more things such as new clothes, up to dated computers and mobile phones and video games.
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Jun 28, 2012   #9
If we look at past times past , we can see many families, which consisted of a father who went out to work and a mother who stayed at home and looked after the children.

However, it is much more different today, and many families think that it is important for both parents to go out to work.

Some people believe that children whose parents both go out to work have more access in their everyday life.---Access to what?

Because, tTheir parents are able to afford more things such as new clothes, up to dated computers and mobile phones and video games.

On the other hand, there are people who claim that children who are in positions like this are less likely to get enough support and attention, and this means they may not do as well with their studies.

Because there is no one who can provide with support such as to dowith homework or revision.

:)
OP Slim shady 12 / 25  
Jun 30, 2012   #10
thanks for comments!!! can anyone put band score?
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 661  
Jun 30, 2012   #11
To sum up, I think no-one can deny that both parents have to work nowadays. In addition, it is also important to make time for children, and then children will not suffer in any way

In a conclusion, before stating your opinion, you should reword the topic or the first paragraph.

This essay may get the band score of 6.5 because of the vocabulary used in it. "Lexical resource" is a very important criterion for getting a good score in the IELTS test. In this work u did not use enough strong words. In addition, try to use a wide range of grammatical structures if you want to get a band score over 7.

Regards
Ahmad
OP Slim shady 12 / 25  
Jun 30, 2012   #12
just i want to know, can u help me. in 4-August i have an IETLS exam. wht score you got?


Home / Writing Feedback / Go out to work (both parents have to work nowadays)
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳