Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

Working moms cause problems in the society - ILETS


Alisha123 9 / 18  
Jul 4, 2011   #1
The position of women in societ has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile deliquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Women play a significant role towards the success of any nation. Infact, women are considered to be the backone of successful country. It is undeniable fact that role of women has been revolutionized over the past few decades. As per the recent survey on worforce, tremendous number of women have entered into workforce. As a result of this, many people argue this radical change in role of women has led a juvenile among young generation. I strongly disagree with this notion as I believe a working women can give better moral and financial support to a child.

Nowadays, due to heavy burdensome of expenses of a single child, it has became diffcult for a single parent to make the both the hands meet. Both parents have to earn to build a bright future of child. For instance due to high inflation, school fees of a child has risen dramatically so both parents certain amount from their salary to get his child admission into renowned school. It is obvious that this high cost of living has created a need for women to work and participate in fulfiling the basic need of education of a child and also to lower some burden on men.

Morever, mishappen and misfortunates could happen to anyone's life. By keeping this view in mind, it is important for woman to be on her feet to fulfil the burden of expenses of her child in difficult times. This reminds of one live example of one of my friends whose father passed away when she was just 12 years old. However, since her mother was working in a bank and she worked hard to support her daughter and in the end my friend turned out to get admission in one of the top business schools. This live example has made clear how essential for women to be working even after marriage.

Looking from some people point of view, working women are not able to spend much time with their children cause deliquency among children. We can see there are many child care centres have been opened to take care of child. Also, many Human resources policies have been introduced that to facilate women to have balance in personal and work life.

In the conclusion, it is essential for women to continue to work even after marriage life. An educated women can bring a positive impact on the generations to come and as a result whole nation will succeed and prosper.
winniesun 9 / 19  
Jul 6, 2011   #2
Can I ask you one question?
Is it Ok to use personal experience (as you mention one of my friend...) in IELTS essays?
PS.. I think conclusion is a bit short..
:)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 7, 2011   #3
change in role of women has led a delinquency among young people.

I strongly disagree with this notion as I believe a working women can give better moral and financial support to a child.----Excellent thesis statement!!

Nowadays, due to the heavy burden of expenses of a single child, it has become diffcult for a single parent to make the both the hands ends meet.

A common expression is, "I am trying to make ends meet." That means: I am trying to make enough money to pay my bills! :-)

Morever, mishappen and misfortunates could happen to anyone's life.

Brilliant ending here:
An educated women can bring a positive impact on the generations to come and as a result whole nation will succeed and prosper.

I think this is a strong essay for the ietls.
OP Alisha123 9 / 18  
Jul 8, 2011   #4
Thanks Kevin but still I have work more on grammar mistakes.. I tred to understand the format of essay..
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 9, 2011   #5
Well, if you have a question, you can ask us! :-)
OP Alisha123 9 / 18  
Jul 10, 2011   #6
Apart from spelling mistakes can anyone rate my essay based on ILETS band.. This way I will get know about my progess.

And how many essays do write before taking ILETS Exam?

thanks for help
w_even 6 / 14 1  
Jul 10, 2011   #7
Women play a significant role towards the success of any nation. Infact, women are considered to be the backone of successful country. It is undeniable fact that role of women has been revolutionized over the past few decades and a good number of women can be seen contributing to society by joining the workforce. However many falsely attribute it to increasing unrest and unethical activities among young generation. I strongly disagree with this notion as I believe a working women can give better moral and financial support to a child.

....

Looking from some people point of view, working women are not able to spend much time with their children cause deliquency among children. We can see there are many child care centres have been opened to take care of child. Also, many Human resources policies have been introduced that to facilate women to have balance in personal and work life. I dont think you should mention other people's view in 3rd paragraph this belongs to intro.

Your grammar is good and essay is well structured, I hope you will get a good score in IELTS.


Home / Writing Feedback / Working moms cause problems in the society - ILETS