World's population has peaked at a geometric rate in this day and age. IELTS WRITING TASK II

I realize that my writing is not good as my pattern has been changing over several days. Therefore, I need your suggestions and comments.

QUESTION:
The continued rise in the worlds population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at present time.
What are the causes of this contnued rise?
Do you agree that it is greatest problem faced by humanity?

ANSWER:

World's population has peaked at a geometric rate in this day and age. This situation is alarming urban sprawl experts who conduct research to analyze a contributory factor of the growth of world populations. The result is surprisingly astonished as birth rates have apparently decreased in several decades but the number of populations is continuing to experience an upward trend. Thanks to the fact, some people argue that the phenomenon leads a serious problem to humankind inasmuch as the increase of densely populated areas is a cause of a poor socioeconomic development. Thus, I would support the reason in that human consumption of renewable resources is already overshooting Earth's capacity.

Birth rates are falling but the number women and men are more likely to have children keeping on growing. This is because population momentum had been occurring several decades ago. Urban sprawl experts who involve in UNDP research project on the case in 1990 said that due to a great number of birth rates in 1980s, an overwhelming number of populations have been soaring recently. Such an implication is a main factor of population burst at the moment.

This condition has been grabbing public attention inasmuch as some people said that the circumstance is a crucial problem faced by society. In their views, population burst has caused a gap between social and economical developments. As an obvious example, developing countries such as India, China, and Indonesia have a problem to build their economic and social conditions. These situations are caused by a great number of citizens that the countries have. Consequently, public opinion is appealing when they see the case as a significant problem for the essential aspects of life.

Apparently, the problem of a boom in world's population is not only cause one deleterious effect on humanity. I am of opinion, a great number of societies impact on environmental. The evidence of this case is provided by research which is conducted by professors at Leuphana Unversity, Germany. They point out that people are going to witness a catastrophic effect on earth owing to dense populations. Furthermore, they predict that doomsday will be much close if people do not want to overcome the problem. Therefore, it is undeniable that the significant growth of citizens impacts on several detrimental effects.

In conclusion, population momentum in the old days has been generating the population burst which cause several serious problems faced by humanity. It is imperative that people should be aware of the danger to the situation.

To begin a strong paragraph, particularly one that is an argument, it is generally a good practice to begin with a complete sentence. Here, you write: "World's population has peaked at a geometric rate in this day and age." What about the world's population? What is a geometric rate? To what day an age are you referring? Great writing is specific. Give your reader a full sentence that outlines precisely what you intend to say in your essay/answer.

Later you write that "some people" argue. Who are the some people? Again, be specific with you writing. The more specific you are able to be the better your reader will be able to follow your ideas.

When you write: "I am of opinion, a great number of societies impact on environmental." What do you mean? What societies? What is the impact? When you write "on environmental" it raises the question for the reader on environmental WHAT? Finish your thought here so that your reader has a better understanding of what you intend to argue.

In the conclusion, when are "the old days?" Do you mean the 1980s or the 1800s? Again, the more precise you can be the better the experience for your reader.

Grammar: At times you tend to misuse pronounce. An example is you write that "people should be aware of the danger TO the situation." The correct pronoun in this instance is "OF the situation." You might want to study the usage of pronouns and see if you can apply the proper rules across the entirety of your answer.

I enjoyed reading your answer to the question. I think you have a good start and to ensure that your question is more clearly answered, go through the essay to find places in which your reader might need clarification. Then, instead of assuming the reader knows what you mean, go ahead and write more accurately. Define phrases like "this" or "that" which refer back to things that came before. And so forth. Good luck with your writing and thanks for sharing your thoughts!

EF_Season

I totally agree with EF_Season's comment. Also, I think you don't need to separate your 3rd paragraph from your 2nd since they are correlated.

You can mention some statistical data like- India population is going to increase by 40% by 2050 and the world population is going to increase by 30%.

Your essay talks a lot about various researches and what they have predicted. But it is also important to mention the effects of these. I feel you have to give more reasoning for you opinion.