The world getting old by degradation of land. The today's world has three major sectors which created factor of land degradation and they were mostly happening in three hemisphere areas of our world. The three of immense sector which created this world's problem are over-cultivation, over-grazing and logging massive tree from forest or in other word we called deforestation. Overall in around the world over-grazing has place in peak of this problem with more than a third of all numbers yet in Europe has had this sector in small number with compere with another sectors'. In the second place, deforestation was arriving in this place with less than a third per cent in overall world. Accordingly, in Europe, this sector was being massive thing than other's yet in North America deforestation not are major sector was making this problem in compere with over-cultivation. Over-cultivation was being the third of immense factors created degradation of land in worldwide with almost a third in concreate number is 28 per cent. By contras in Oceania, over-cultivation has had zero per cent in the report index of land degradation factors.
Hi Alfa,
I think that you can learn from other people mistakes by posting clear image/picture/chart/diagram. I am afraid if you keep doing this in the next practice, the moderators of this forum are going to suspend your account. Please be more careful for the next essay practice. However, I am still going to give you some feedback related to paragraphing and essay structure. I hope you can follow through.
First of all, I am sure that you have read some books related to IELTS, you are not going to blindly upload your writing here. In the book that you've read (whatever the book is), it is clear that you need to write in a clear format of paragraph. Writing like this would only drag your band score down to 4.0 due to "presents information and ideas but these are not arranged coherently and there is no clear progression in the response / inappropriate format'.
Assuming that I am wrong about the book that you've read, I would like to give you a brief explanation about what to write in IELTS task 1. Please take a closer look on the descriptions below.
- Write minimum THREE paragraphs or more.
- Those three paragraphs consist of Introduction paragraph, the first body paragraph, and the second body paragraph.
- In introduction paragraph you need to paraphrase the question and give clear overview about the chart/picture/diagram given.
- In body paragraphs, you need to group the information clearly or separate it into half part. Write the first part of information in the first body paragraph, and write the second part of information in the second body paragraph.
My suggestion is that you need to know that "clarity" is a MUST. Do NOT try to write TOO long sentences. Too-long sentences need sufficient knowledge about grammar. If you don't have it, better write short or average sentence length. Try to use MS.Word spelling and grammar checker to help you, but do not rely on it. Somehow, if the sentence that you are writing are long and complicated, it doesn't really helpful.
Hope this helps :)
Hai Alfa
I have known the process of writing this post. However, you have to refer the explanation based on the given data.
The world getting old by degradation of land >> the world getting small
Created factors of land degradation >> impacted on factors of land degradation
The three of immense sector which created >> the three of immense sector
this world's problem are over-cultivation, over-grazing and logging ... >> the factors which impacted land degradation are over-cultivation, over-grazing and logging massive
