I would like to seek help to critique my essay for common application. Please be very critical, as I felt that this essay is not very good, and have a lot of improvements that need to be done. Thank you very much!!
COMMON APPLICATION - PERSONAL ESSAY
Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you. (250 minimum)
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"This is the worst economy I've ever seen."
This is how Alan Greenspan, former Chairman of the U.S. Federal Reserve, described the current subprime banking crisis. Indeed, as our world becomes increasingly globalised and interconnected, financial crisis are believed to have contractionary effects on the rest of the world economy. Thus, an issue that is of significant concern to me, be it personal, local, national or international will be the looming global recession brought about by the recent subprime mortgage crisis.
The U.S. subprime mortgage crisis began with events in 2007 and 2008, which causes plunging property prices, a slowdown in the U.S. economy, and billions in losses by banks. In September 2008, this problem was brought to attention as each day brought an extraordinary development that would have seemed astonishing just the day before. The US investment bank Lehman Brothers was allowed to go bust; Merrill Lynch was joined with the Bank of America in a forced merger while one of the world's largest insurers, American International Group (AIG), was bailed out. With the stability world financial market seem to be falling apart; it had also caused a precipitation of awareness of and attention to the economic implications of the subprime mortgage crisis. As Alan Greenspan would have called it, this situation is definitely a "once in a half century, probably once in a century type of event."
With the events escalating by each day, I realized that this banking crisis is no longer just a domestic problem - one that would only affect US housing markets. It will have such a far- ranging global impact that we, as global citizens, will be directly or indirectly adversely affected.
Countries, especially a small domestic economy like that of Singapore who relies on the strength of its booming export sector to bolter the nation's wealth and prosperity, hence establishing the health and survival of the nation's economy will definitely be one of the hardest hit nations. Singapore is considered to the most trade dependent country in the world, with its total trade volume exceeding four times of her GDP each year. Thus, with Singapore relying so heavily on the foreign sector for economic growth, employment and living, a dwindling export sector due to a world recession will invariably result in a ruptured economy, causing rising unemployment and slowing down of economic growth, which may stunt the development and progress of a nation.
Hence, I feel that this issue is definitely one that is of paramount importance to me, my family, my country and even everyone in the world since in today's globalised age, we have all become so interconnected that a flap of the butterfly's wings can set off a tornado around the world.
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Thanks a lot!
This is an excellent essay. Your voice is strong and determined, you are confident in your topic, and write with great assertion. A few corrections, but overall the paragraphs are well structured, overall organization looks good, and the flow between well-connected paragraphs is easy. Nice work.
