How to write an essay about TV-watching habits?

Essay question

Do children spend too much time watching television?

Notes

Things to write about

1. Education
2. Physical activity
3. Your own idea
140-190 words.

TV screen lures children

Most kids today spend from three to five hours a day in front of a screen. They often have a TV in their bedroom and watching television is their favourite activity.

On the one hand, I firmly believe that watching television is the best way to keep up to date, as it's much more reliable than the Internet. Furthermore, some TV programmes, such as documentaries or historical movies, can be very educational and they are much more enjoyable than textbooks.

On the other hand, most kids watch programmes which are not suitable for their age and not educational at all. In addition, children who spend too much time watching TV are more likely to be overweight, as they don't play any sports.

In conclusion, I don't think kids should stop watching television, as they need a form of entertainment, but they shouldn't spend more than two hours a day in front of the TV screen and they should be outdoors more.

170 words

@Sarasped
I'm curious about this essay's purpose. Is this a writing assignment?

Your grammar is good. You may want to vary your sentence lengths a little bit to keep the readers interested. All but the last sentence are easy to follow.

Content wise, you lay down lots of statements with little support. For example, you stated that television is more reliable than the Internet. However, the point is that you didn't provide any support or reason why one is more reliable. Maybe you should add something like "television programs are more reliable because the contents that go on TV are often selected carefully by professional editors. In contrast, contents on the Internet can be created by anyone." Perhaps you should pick only the most convincing statements to save space for the supports of such statements.

One more thing, maybe you should state your position at the beginning. It would make things easier for the reader.

Best,
TN.

@catnguyen181
yes, this is a writing assignment for my FCE exam.
Thanks for your feedback. What's wrong with the last sentence?
I don't think i should add more information, the important thing is to write about everything that's in the notes. :)

The question is not whether or not children should stop watching television, but if they watch TOO MUCH. Through your essay, you seem to err on the side that they watch too much television. However, your concluding sentence reads like you misunderstood the prompt.

I agree with @catnguyen181

Statements don't mean anything if you don't back it up with facts. Cut down wordiness so you have more space to back up what you're saying. Anyone can make points. Not everyone can back them up. Make your point clear in the first paragraph, and then conclude strongly.

Change second paragraph. "While tv can be used to educate through documentaries and the news, it can also distract children from their education. Most children...." into third paragraph. "Studies also show that children who spend too much time watching tv are prone to become overweight. Due to today's obesity problems, this is a huge problem."

Something like that. Think about it, then cut. There's a lot of fluff in here that is not necessary, like the stuff I just pointed out.

Your writing is good and cover all the question which needed to answer. If only you can expand the length of two main body with more details, it will much better.