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IELTS writting task 1: The maps below show the changes that have taken place at the waterfront area

nguyennam 1 / -  
Aug 17, 2020   #1

development at the waterfront area of a Darwin town

The given map illustrates the development at the waterfront area of a Darwin town between 2009 and 2014.
Overall, the town showed the complete obiliteration of the industrial area to make this place for more rensidential and cleaner. Additionally, the town's infrastructure had been renovated by added a harbor and more footpaths.

In details, in 2009, the vast greenland which was place in the south of the residential building was used for the industrial. However, the industrial were non-existent because of the replacement of trees in 2014. In addition, an university building was built at the west of the town and some residential building appeared in 2014. To the southeast of the town there was an appearance of the harbor and some new footpaths which acrossed through the town.

To the center of the town, the area encircled by footpath was replaced by the swimming pool, while the lake, convention center and the school remain unchanged. The two swimming pool by the beach and the fishing area are still permanent from 2009 to 2014.

  • ....
AnhNguyen97 1 / 2  
Aug 18, 2020   #2
Hi, here are some comments for you:
- by added -> by adding
- was place in -> was placed in / was located to
- the industrial were -> the industrial area was
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15048 4830  
Aug 18, 2020   #3
Avoid using exaggerated terms like "obliterated". Use words that properly describe the situation. You could say the area was renovated, improved, or upgraded. Use positive sounding words as there was no negative setting to begin with. This is not war time so there is no obliteration occurring. For more clarity in the presentation, you should use the 2 reporting paragraphs to clearly explain the 2009 image first, then the 2014 image second. That way the image descriptions are truly representative of each year. You could start the paragraph saying that "The 2009 image clearly outlines the way the town used the area at that time." Then proceed to describe it. After that, the last paragraph can start with "By the time 2014 came around, the town had undergone significant changes." The you can do the comparison points regarding specific and related changes only.

By the way, you wrote just the right number of words for this essay. However, you failed to edit your work and correct the errors related to spelling and grammar. You should have looked for spelling and grammar errors when you finished your draft so you could have corrected these errors that would have a direct effect on your final LR and GRA score.

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