IElTS WRITTING TASK 2 - SUCCESS TOPIC. Do you think wealth the best measure of success?

Question:

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings.

Do you think wealth the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

Essay:

It is widely believe that the key criteria of success is money and property. Personally, I completely disagree with this statement since wealth is just a minor/ small part of the overall picture of success, and it should be measured by one's achievements and happiness.

To begin with, there are considerable number of upper-class people gradually losing their inherent happiness. In other words, despite
possessing materialistic things and huge wealth, those who take responsibility for dealing with a number of problem in their entrepreneurs could not spend time on taking care of their family. Recent marriage survey conducted in America has shown that over 40% of wealthy couples do not have a sense of happiness since the breadwinners rarely have dinner in their family, instead, they would have ones with their colleagues and partners due to the busy nature of work. In the long run, this would pose an invisible distance between family members, which is the main cause behind the blurs and rift of family relationship or even divorces

Besides, there are several objective aspects for the consideration of one's success.First and foremost, success should be gauged through one's accomplishments and performance. For example, Bill Gates who is a worldwide well-known businessman, investor and philanthropist shared one of the biggest secrets for his success is his passion, diligence and inquisitiveness in work. This extraordinary person, as a result, has achieve the goal of high sales that he set out for his corporation.Secondly,happiness are crucial factor for a person seeking success since this reflect people's mental life. Granted, a businessman who always live in a state of unhappiness, depression, self-deception abd guiltiness could not enjoy the fruit of their labor and a comfortable life, and thus all of their efforts and success so far have been in vain. Therefore,in order to become successful, people first should look for their own happiness.

In summary, while some maintain that the best measure of success is material wealth and belongings, however, I believe that achievements and happiness is by far the key criteria of success. From my perspective, upper-class people should make a contribution to the development of their nation instead of solely making profit for their company and themselves.

This is an incorrect response format. The answer provided is used for measured response questions. The writer should instead be offering a belief based response to the question. He also created an unrelated run-on sentence for his 2nd question response. the latter idea should have been the 3rd sentence in the presentation since it is the thesis presentation of the paragraph. A thesis statement is presented as a stand alone sentence within the related paragraph.


Improper phrase usage. Inherent happiness refers to happiness that is inherited. The writer does not understand how to properly use this elementary word reference properly. It has disconnected the rest of the discussion from his topic sentence. This is definitely an LR and GRA score reducing error.

While the writer does show a knowledge of how to properly use connecting words and linking words, his discussions do not always come across as clear and cohesive in the paragraph. This situation will keep on resulting in lower than expected scores. There is no need to over emphasize the fact that he is using connecting, linking, and transition words in his presentation because the scores that will help him pass the test are not based on that grammar usage consideration alone.

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